Page 81 of Whiskey & Honey
“Whaa … what?”
Softly laughing, Ben reaches for my hand. “It’s okay. I miss you ogling me. God, Piper. How has it only been a week and I feel like it’s been years? I miss you. Why are you pushing me away?”
I take his other hand in mine so we’re holding hands. I take a step forward so I’m standing just before him, eye to eye.
“I’m not avoiding you, Ben. I’m avoiding us. It’s all too much and overwhelming. I don’t have the best track record and I’m scared.”
“I know you’re scared, Piper, but I promise this will all be okay. Trust me.”
I let go of his hands and take a step back.
“I saw you.”
I see confusion on his face.
“At the deli. With Laurel.”
“Piper,” he begins, but I stop him.
“It’s okay. I talked to her and she explained why she’s here. But I didn’t like how I reacted to that. The way I felt and how upset I was. I don’t want to feel like that, Ben.”
“Nothing happened. Nothing is happening with Laurel. You have to know that, Piper.” His voice is frantic and his face reflects the panic he’s feeling.
“You said I should trust you. I do, Ben, and that’s part of what scares me. I believe you when you promise you’ll never hurt me. But the reality is you can’t promise that.”
I shake my head like I’m trying to clear my mind. “Not only that, we’ve gone about this all wrong. Lying to everyone for months, Ben. I know you kept the secret for me but I was wrong.”
I feel the tears begin to form and a lump appears in my throat. Standing from his perch, he steps close to me. Putting a hand on either side of my face, his fingers in my hair, he tilts my face up to his, forcing me to look directly in his eyes. My hands go to his forearms, attempting to brace myself as a piece of my recently built wall cracks.
“Piper, I’ve let you use Ashton as an excuse long enough. Yes, she may be upset because we’ve been crap friends and lied. She may also have one of her dramatic responses and declare she’s not going to speak to either of us for the rest of her life. None of that will be real, Piper. This isn’t about Ashton and it hasn’t been for a long time. This is about you and me. This is about you letting go.”
I don’t acknowledge his words as he continues.
“You’re right. It is possible you’ll get hurt. There’s a possibility I’ll get hurt. That’s the risk we take. Regardless of what may happen, you have to believe. Believe in us. I can’t promise things will be perfect or that there won’t be some bumps in the road. I can promise that I will always be there with you and will never stop doing my best to make sure you’re happy.”
I swallow and will the tears to stay hidden.
“Piper, I don’t want us to miss out on something that is so perfect because we are worried about what may happen or of hurting someone’s feelings. At some point we have to put ourselves first. We deserve this. You deserve this.”
I close my eyes as I absorb his words. It’s quiet with the exception of the sounds of nature surrounding us and our own breathing. I take a deep breath and I open eyes to find him staring at me. A look so pure and loving my pulse speeds up.
Not allowing me to respond, he turns and takes off in a jog. No kiss, no hug, no declaration. I take the spot he vacated on the boulder and let his words settle.
Ben makes everything seem so simple and possible. I want to believe he’s right, it just doesn’t come natural to me. Risk for the reward, is it that simple?