Page 44 of Counted
It could be nothing but fevered wish fulfillment based on an irrational overload of lust.
His brows drew together. “What are you churning around in your mind so intently?”
Churning. Exactly the right word for her mental processes so often. “Nothing worth talking about.”
“You sure? Because I’d like to know.”
She shrugged off the question. “It’s really nothing worthwhile. Are you done in the bathroom? I was thinking I might take a shower too.”
“Oh. Yeah. Sure. Let me brush my teeth real quick and then I’ll be done.”
She didn’t feel much like a shower. She wasn’t sure why she’d even mentioned it. Now she was committed, however, so when Jude was done with his teeth, she grabbed a nightgown and closed herself in the bathroom.
After showering quickly and keeping her hair out of the spray (since she wasn’t going through the time and trouble of washing and drying her hair on a silly moment’s whim), she put on a pink gown in a soft cotton blend. She brushed her teeth and did her simple skin routine.
Then she brushed her hair out loose.
Sometimes she braided it to keep it out of her way at night, but Jude had said he didn’t like it pulled back. Yes, he’d been completely out of it from pain and medication, but still…
He liked her hair loose, so she didn’t braid it.
When she came out of the bathroom, he was already in bed. He’d turned off all the lights except the lamp on her nightstand.
Sometimes he read at night. Sometimes he watched TV. Tonight he was doing neither. He was lying there, his eyes focused on her as she approached the bed.
Maybe he did want sex.
Maybe he thought she was pretty.
She smiled at him as she sat down on the edge of the bed. Why was she so self-conscious? Almost nervous. It was a ridiculous reaction. She wasn’t normally like this.
“What’s the matter?”
Giving her head a firm shake, she said, “Nothing.”
“Why do you keep trying to tell me it’s nothing when I know better?”
She sighed, getting into bed and turning to face him. “I tell you it’s nothing when it’s nothing worth sharing with you.”
“Shouldn’t I be the one to decide what’s worth sharing?”
“No!” She gaped at him. “I’m the one who decides what happens to any of my thoughts. Why wouldyoudecide?”
That made him chuckle. “Of course you make the final decision about your thoughts. Maybe I misunderstood. I thought you were questioning whether I would want to hear them.”
He was right. That was exactly what she’d been worried about.
“I don’t think you have any idea how silly and irrelevant most of my thoughts are. Why would you want to hear about them?”
His eyebrows lowered again in a thoughtful frown. “Because they’re yours? Because they help me understand you better? Because maybe I want to know more about you?”
She swallowed hard. An intense shuddering had begun deep inside her. A rising excitement that so far had no definite form. “Oh.”
“If it’s important to you to keep it private, then naturally you should do that. But why would you need to keep it private from me?” He asked the question with a kind of subdued, sober bewilderment—as if he really didn’t understand why she wouldn’t tell him her thoughts and the withholding kind of hurt him.
“Oh. Well. It wasn’t anything big. I was just feeling kind of nervous.”
“About what?”