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It was almost midnight before he finally pushed his chair back.
She put her e-reader down and got up. “Enough for today?”
“Not really. But it’s about all I can manage.” He rubbed his face, ruffling his beard. “I’ve got to get to bed.”
“I’m pretty tired too. If you get some good sleep, you can go back to work tomorrow morning.”
He nodded dazedly and followed her out of the library and upstairs. She opened his bedroom door and gave him a little push inside since he was just standing in the hallway. “Why don’t you take a shower? That might help you unwind and sleep better.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll do that.” He stared at her groggily.
“Do you have a headache?” she asked, suddenly worried.
He shook his head.
“Okay good. Then shower and go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She desperately wanted to kiss him good night but made herself hold back. She closed the bedroom door in Jude’s face even though it tore something inside her.
She brushed her teeth and did her skin routine. Picked out her outfit for tomorrow. Texted a friend from grad school. Listened at the wall and heard the water in Jude’s shower turn off. He hadn’t taken a very long shower, but he’d been so tired.
He needed to sleep.
So did she.
She wanted to sleep with him, but that didn’t matter. It couldn’t matter. She had a shell around her too-soft heart now. She was going to be strong.
As she stood in front of the connecting door between their rooms, she told herself she couldn’t knock on it. She fortified herself by imagining how she’d feel when he died. It almost made her cry.
Suddenly there was a tap on the door. It startled her so much she let out a squeak.
“Eve?” Jude said from the other side.
She swung the door open.
His eyes ran up and down her body and then checked out the room behind her. Her bed was still made, and the lights were on. “You weren’t in bed?”
“Not yet. I was about to get in.”
He nodded. Cleared his throat. Dropped his eyes.
“What is it, Jude?” she asked, genuinely confused.
“Would you mind…? I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I feel…”
“Are you sick?”
“No. It’s not that. I feel… It makes no sense—I spent years trying to avoid people, but right now I feel… alone.” He took a slightly shaky breath. “Lonely. Would you mind sleeping with me tonight?”
She stared at him, completely frozen.
“Just to sleep obviously. It’s fine if you’d rather not. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I thought I’d ask. I don’t much want to be alone.” He darted a quick glance up to her face.
Swallowing hard, she reminded herself to be strong. Shehadto be strong. Protect the shell around her heart. “Yeah. Yeah, of course I’ll sleep with you tonight.”
8
Jude wokeup in the middle of the night with a headache.