Page 9 of Restoration
He’s moving fast down the front walk, waving a folded piece of stationery.
I brace myself, squaring my shoulders and summoning my will. In the past, Edmund has been able to talk me out of doing things I’d wanted or planned, and I can’t let that happen this time.
Yes, it feels like I’m abandoning him. Betraying him. Leaving him when he needs me and trusts me.
But he’s not the only one who matters.
I matter too.
“What the fuck is this?” he demands as he approaches me. He looks outraged—and also utterly bewildered.
“You know what it is,” I reply quietly.
“But... but... why?” His forehead is slightly damp under the big, thick wave of hair that always falls forward over his brow. His cheeks are flushed, and he’s breathing heavily.
I lick my lips nervously until I realize what I’m doing. “I’ve told you before. I don’t want to do this job forever. I want—”
“What do you want? I’ll raise your salary again. I’ll buy your parents a new house.”
“That’s not what I want. I want a real career and a life where I accomplish something. Do some real good.”
“You can accomplish something with me.” He’s managed to swallow down the hurt and indignation and has turned on his charm. Aimed it right at me. “I know how smart and capable you are, but you can use those things with me. You can do good with—”
“No, I really can’t,” I blurt out. “I pack your bags and plan your schedule and make your calls. I want to make a difference in the world and do it on my terms.”
“Then we can change your job description. What kind of difference in the world do you want to make? We can—”
“Edmund, please.” I’m not loud, but I’m blunt. It breaks the momentum of his attempt to woo me away from my decision. “I’ve made up my mind. I’m not going to keep working for you.”
For some reason, my words actually get through to him. I see them slice into his consciousness. Stunning him. Freezing him.
I’ve been one of those nice, quiet people all my life, doing whatever task is set before me without complaint and trying to stay out of other people’s way. I’ve never once felt that I’ve really hurt another person.
Not until right now.
Because I’ve hurt Edmund. I can see it so clearly in the pained disbelief in his expression. In his stance. It’s like he’s suffered a physical blow.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper hoarsely, glancing away because I simply can’t stand to see that expression on his face. “But this is what’s right for me.”
Caleb has stepped back slightly, obviously attempting to withdraw from a conversation he’s not a part of and doesn’t want to be pulled into.
Edmund finally manages to clear his throat and blinks a few times. “What will you do?”
I shrug. “I don’t actually know. Go back to grad school, I guess. Figure out exactly what I want to do with my life.”
“I can help you with grad sch—”
“Edmund, no.”
He drops his eyes. Takes a long, slow breath. “When will you leave?”
This is really happening. If Edmund has accepted it, there’s absolutely nothing to stand in my way.
I’ll have to leave him.
I’ll have to figure out who the hell I even am without him.
I have a sudden urge to take it all back, to pretend it never happened, but I fight through the impulse because I know that’s my weakness and not what’s best for me. “I’ll stay through the cruise. No more than two months. But after that, I’ll be gone.”