Page 124 of Toy Boy

She grins, and I’m glad she’s smiling again. Glad she’s getting her life back on track, after Scott, she deserves that. “Stick an extra rasher in, and I’ll make sure I oversell those sandwiches to anyone and everyone.”

I laugh as I signal to Graham to make us two bacon, tomato and mushroom paninis, and then I grab two cappuccinos and follow Tania outside. It’s early, so it isn’t overly warm just yet, but it’s warm enough to sit without a jacket. And it’s nice out here, you can sit and watch as Beachcastle Bay eases itself gently into another day. Something Scott Warren doesn’t get to do anymore, and that still makes me sad. Tania’s right. Nobody knows what’s around the corner, so why am I wasting time?

“Alright then. What’s on your mind?” Tania asks, crossing her legs and sipping her coffee. “Come on, you’ve listened to me enough these past few weeks, it’s time for me to repay the favour.”

“I wasn’t doing you a favour, Tania, I was being a friend.”

“I know you were. And I’m glad you were there, so, let me try and helpyounow. Okay?”

I’m not sure I need ‘help’, but I get what she means. And I take a deep breath, sit back, and hope that she understands what I’m about to tell her.

“Xander came back, to Beachcastle Bay.”

She leaves a moment’s silence before she responds to that. “You used the past tense there.”

“It was a few days ago now.”

I’m not going to tell her what day, that it was Scott’s funeral, I don’t think she needs to know that.

“And, I’m guessing you saw him?”

I nod and briefly glance across the street at the boats in the harbour; the smell of the sea and freshly caught fish wafting over thanks to a light breeze. “He messaged me. Asked to meet… To cut a long story short, he came to see me, to tell me that he wanted us to be together. To see if we had any chance of any kind of future together…”

“Go for it.”

Her super-quick response catches me off guard, and I frown as I look at her. But she’s just staring at me, wide-eyed, her expression silently asking me if I’m having difficulty understanding what she’s just said. I’m not, her reaction just surprised me, that’s all.

“I’m sorry…?”

“Look, yes, I blamed him, for a little while. For Scott’s death. I know the accident was exactly that – an accident. But when Scott died…” She shrugs and takes another sip of her coffee just as our breakfast paninis arrive, delivered by a smiling Iona who gets that we’re in the middle of a private conversation and leaves the second the plates are down on the table. “When Scott died, I needed someone to blame, someone to turn my anger on because I’d been robbed of a new life I’d been so excited to start living. So, yeah, I blamed Xander. If he hadn’t hit Scott with his car, if he hadn’t come here at all…” She glances down at her panini, picks it up, and takes a small bite. “Oh, god, that isdelicious!”

I lean forward, and bite into my own sandwich, grateful for a moment of silence as we eat our breakfast.

Putting her half-finished sandwich down, Tania sits back, her eyes fixed on mine. “I don’t blame him anymore, Megan. Blaming people, hating people, spreading gossip and rumours to try and make yourself feel better, all of that is emotionally draining, unnecessary, and ultimately cruel. Shit happens. We just have to deal with it, in our own way, and I’ve come to the conclusion that living life is better than dwelling on one you never really had. Even if you wanted it with all of your heart.” She shrugs again and turns her head away to look out over the harbour. “Live your life, Megan. Be happy.” She looks back at me. “Please.”

“I don’t know, Tania. You know what he did…”

“It’s in the past. What he did then, and how he feels now, they’re two very different things. You need to believe that. Believehim. And go for it. If that’s what your heart is telling you to do.”

I drop my gaze and let out a long, deep breath, my fingers clutching the paper napkin I’d picked up to wipe my hands on.

“He hasn’t asked you to marry him, Megan. All he’s asking for is a chance. And if it doesn’t work out, at least you tried.”

I look up, and I smile, and I feel like a weight’s been lifted from my shoulders.

“In hindsight, or maybe I’m just thinking this because it makes me feel better, but, I don’t think Scott and I were really meant to be.” Tania picks up a mushroom that’s fallen onto the plate from her panini, and pops it into her mouth. “But at least you and Xander, you have time to see whetheryouare. And he’s drop dead gorgeous to boot, so, you know?”

We look at each other and laugh, and my mind – it’s never been clearer. I’m still not sure, not certain that Xander and I have a future together, but we might have. The least I can do is give him – giveusa chance.”

“Follow your heart, Megan.”

And that’s one cliché I’m willing to listen to…

One Year Later

Xander

I need to cutback, change direction, streak ahead of the curl, back towards the breaking part, it’s a manoeuvre that’s going to get me closer to the power of the wave. And the adrenaline rush I’m getting, man, that’s something else! This is a “down-the-line” wave now, a long, fast wall that’s carrying me forward, back towards the shore. I’ve been out long enough, I don’t need to be out here all day. Not anymore.