Page 48 of Toy Boy

I’m here, in Beachcastle Bay, to rid myself of the guilt.

To find a way to move forward.

To do what I have to do to make everything right, and I’m almost there. I’m almost there…

Scott

I’m a few minutes early as I head down to reception, but I want to be there when she arrives, even though I’ve had a nagging feeling at the back of my mind all morning that she might not turn up. She’s had time to think, hasn’t she? Time to decide that meeting me isn’t a good idea, but I’m holding out hope that she’s finally seeing a way to forgive me.

“Lovely party last night, Scott.”

Greta Featherstone hasn’t spoken more than a handful of sentences to me since I returned to Beachcastle Bay, and last night I was lucky to get little more than a curt greeting, she spent most of the night avoiding me.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

She clutches the files she’s holding close to her chest and turns to face me. Greta runs the hospital’s Foundation Trust, which puts her on just as high a standing in the local community as Tim, and this hospital, it’s been part of her life for a long time. Her grandfather was a surgeon here, and her father – an anaesthesiologist – worked for the Trust for over twenty years, well into his retirement. It’s in her family’s blood, she cares about it, and those who work in it. Although, I’m guessing I’m the exception to that.

“Are you settling in okay?”

She’s sticking with the small talk, but I can tell from the look in her eyes that there’s more she wants to say to me. Much more. I think she’s just working out a way to let me know how she really feels while still being polite.

“I’m settling in just fine, thank you.”

“Good.” Her smile’s so tight it’s practically stretching her face. “Look, Scott, as far as your appointment at this hospital is concerned – and I really feel I have to say this, if only to get it off my chest, but, if I’d had any kind of say in the matter you wouldn’t be back here, you know that, don’t you?”

Oh, I know. I fucking know.

“I have no doubt that if you could’ve wielded any influence, Greta, you would’ve done so. But, at the same time, you would’ve been doing this place out of someone who is damn good at what they do. Would that really have been in the best interests of the hospital? Your personal feelings, they shouldn’t come into it.”

She holds my gaze, and I can see that she’s trying to think of a comeback, but it’s not working. So instead all I get is more of that tight smile and a cold stare before she turns around and walks away.

“What was all that about?”

I spin around to see Megan standing there, frowning as she looks at Greta’s retreating figure.

“Just Greta letting me know her true feelings.”

“Still doesn’t like you, huh?”

“I’m getting that vibe from her, yes.”

Megan smiles a small smile as her eyes dart around the light, bright atrium of this recently renovated hospital, an overhaul that’s made it about as welcoming as a hospital can get with its glass-domed ceiling and rust colored walls, giving off a much warmer feel than the cold, clinical one usually associated with medical facilities.

“I don’t know why she still feels that way about you, to be honest. I mean, I know that not everyone’s a member of your fan club, you lost a lot of those when you started fucking around, but…” She shrugs, her eyes locking on mine, Jesus, she’s beautiful! Was she alwaysthisbeautiful? Why did I never see that before? “Well, I guess a lot of people can forgive and forget.”

“What about you? How are you doing on that score?”

“Don’t hold your breath.”

Looks like I’ve still got a lot of work to do here, but I’m willing to throw all I have at this attempt to win her back. Because every time I see her it just hits home how much I still love her. And I really don’t want to be back here without her.

“Come on. Let’s go.”

She falls into step beside me, and we walk in silence to the cafeteria, grab some food – her a plate of chicken and rice, me lasagne and salad – and find a table in a relatively quiet corner by the window that overlooks the hospital gardens.

“Did the party go alright last night?”

She’s starting with small talk, but she won’t keep that up for long.