Page 107 of Alfie: Part One
“God, where do I begin,” he muttered, stuffing his face with food.
I waited him out while he took his time chewing and stalling.
He could be too fucking cute sometimes.
“First of all, he’s sixteen,” he said. “He’s not a mobster. He’s misguided and in desperate need of better role models than the Sons of Munster could ever offer. And second, I don’t know why you’d get in a line to a place you hate.”
I didn’t hate his house nearly as much as I loved him.
Was now a good time to tell him I loved him, by the way?
Maybe I’d wait another hour or so.
“I wouldn’t get in line to see the castle so much as the Prince Charming who lives there,” I replied and grabbed another spring roll. “But anyway. He’s considering it. Colby, I mean. He askedto stay with his cousin and his family this weekend to think it over.”
He watched me as he chewed another mouthful of food. “You’d be okay with it?”
“Well, yeah.” I shrugged. “Now that my house is set up like Fort Knox in terms of security, I won’t feel the need to sleep on the first floor when the kids are home, so I was gonna give him the guest room down there?—”
“Slash office,” he interjected. “You mentioned it was a study too.”
Right. How that detail mattered, I had no idea.
“It is. But either way, this might work out better,” I went on. “For starters, he’ll get enough privacy in the garage apartment, which any teenager would want, and more importantly, I’ll have to pick him up every day before he gets his license. So I’ll be able to see you all the time. I’ll obviously be in the mood to arrive early from now on, and a cup of coffee while I wait for him to get ready will be much appreciated.”
It would give me time to dig a little. I hadn’t been lying earlier tonight when I’d admitted to thinking about offering to cut professional ties with the Sons if it meant I had the slightest chance with West. That said, I believed him when he’d said he wouldn’t want me to change for anyone. But there was a compromise to most things in life. Maybe there was a way to find a happy medium. I didn’twantto lose what I had now; it was just…at the end of the day, West mattered more.
He cleared his throat and set his takeout container on the table. “Is it such a good idea that we see each other more often?”
Yes. I mean, I thought so, and if he didn’t, it was going to hurt like a bitch until he changed his mind.
Oh fuck. I was gonna blurt shit out again, wasn’t I? No, no, no, no, I had to learn how to shut the fuck up!
The air around us suddenly felt stifling with misery, and I couldn’t take it. We’d suffered for years now; when was it going to end?
I swallowed around a lump of unease, and I lost my appetite.
“I’m always going to want more, West,” I admitted. “I can’t sit here and pretend I don’t miss you. Hell, my heart’s still in pieces because I fucked it all up.”
He’d started turning away from me, probably to hide the pain in his expression, but something I’d said toward the end made him do a double take, and he scowled at me.
“I thought we established the blame wasn’t all on you.”
Fucking whatever. “I still betrayed your trust with my bullshit lies and insecurities that I tried to cover up.”
He drew in a breath and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Alfie, I—” Then he exhaled in a deflating way and let his hands fall to his lap. “Imagine us getting back together, and when the authorities find out you’re a Son, my father finds out, maybe rumors will travel in certain fields—I could lose my job. What if I get ostracized from a community where we want our children to grow up? Will this ever affectthem? What if?—”
“So I’ll quit.” I rushed out the words as panic rose within me. I didn’t necessarily believe all his worries were valid, but he didn’t have the knowledge of these things that I did. Not that it mattered. If this was what he was afraid of, I’d fix it. “I’ll talk to Kellan tomorrow and?—”
“No,” he said firmly and shook his head. “For the first time tonight, I saw where you belong.”
“I belong withyou!” Tears welled up, and I felt everything slip through my fingers again. The sheer pain that seared through me felt like it sliced my chest open, and I couldn’t fucking cope.
The same hurt flashed in his expression too, but he’d made up his mind. “Alfie, please be real. Your entire identity can’t besummed up in you belonging to a partner. You clearly didn’t see what I saw tonight. That guy—Liam? He isn’t just a mobster to you. He’s yourbrother. They’re allfamilyto you. Everyone needs family, regardless of what it looks like.”
“We were a family,” I whimpered. I wiped at my cheeks, and the stupid tears just kept falling.
“And I wouldn’t be able to sit by and watch you miss them,” he insisted. “Alfie, you must realize that if you left the business side of that family, it would have consequences. I may not fully understand what the modern mafia looks like, but under no circumstances will they be as inclusive toward you if you’re not part of the syndicate.”