Page 43 of Alfie: Part One
“Are those the steps?” I smirked.
I got some laughs from that.
Finn scoffed and moved on. “If people actually listened to me, they’d be happier.” He exhaled some smoke. “Step three, preemptive strikes of romance. If you rely on your wife to remember important dates, you better be good at the day-to-day shit. I don’t go a week without bringing home flowers and planning date nights for us.”
I actually liked that one. I was horrible at remembering anniversaries.
“And this is why Shan and I are constantly babysitting,” Kellan said dryly.
“Oh, shush. Nobody buys your kid-hating act anymore, love.” Shan patted Kellan’s hand, and Liam and Finn laughed.
“So what’s step four?” Eric wondered.
“Step four is a big one,” Finn answered. “If your wife’s having a shitty day, give her a massagewithoutgroping her tits.”
See, that would never work with West. Whenever he’d had a long day and came home from work in a bad mood, a shower and a blow job was the way to go.
“Chances are she’ll reward you with sex fornotpushing for sex,” Finn finished. “I learned that the hard way after the twins were born. And this is why I blame and thank her for Kian.”
I chuckled and took a drag from my smoke.
“Step five, listening to your wife should include responses that prove you’ve been listening,” he went on. “Women are hella good at picking up autopiloted answers.”
I could vouch for that. I’d lost count of the times my mom had smacked me upside the head for just nodding and humming when she got going.
“That’s a good one.” Shan inclined his head.
Liam rubbed the back of his neck and squinted at nothing.
“Step six,” Finn said. “Clichéd but true—fuck her brain before you fuck her pussy.”
Could not relate one bit. Don’t get me wrong, what’d made me fall for West was the whole package, no pun intended. He was intelligent, kind, funny, and driven. And none of that had been necessary when we’d first met. I’d just needed that spectacular body of his. He was the hottest man to walk this earth.
Kellan eyed Shan a little. “That’s only kinda true for us.”
“Thanks, do not need the details.” Finn interrupted.
“Well, we want the brain-fucking as well, to put it as crudely as my son,” Shan reasoned. “Just not as the keys to the castle.”
“Jesus Christ.” Finn closed his eyes and rubbed at his temples. “Kellan’s ass is now known as the castle. Fuck me, I’m seeing images again.”
I couldn’t help it; I cracked up hard—and I wasn’t the only one. Safe to say, seeing his dad and his best friend together was still a mindfuck for him. And who could blame him? I’d freak the fuck out if I came home one day and discovered Kellan was with my mom or dad—and Kellan and I hadn’t even grown up together.
“Emilia!” Finn shouted and stood up abruptly. “Fuck this noise—I’mma replace those images with something holy.”
“Something holy,” Liam laughed.
Finn stalked off, yelling for his wife.
“But, Finn!” I called out. “What about the last step? We’ll be lost without it!”
He stuck two middle fingers in the air to the sounds of more laughter.
As fun as dinner had been, the next couple of hours knocked it out of the park. The music was cranked up, the dining table filled up with snacks and a goddamn ice cream machine, and we got to tire the kids out. And ourselves.
The patio hadn’t been too bad because it was in the shade, but out in the sun—fuck me, I stuck to the pool. ’Cause it wouldn’t surprise me if we’d hit triple digits today.
“Make a bigger splash this time, Daddy!” Ellie jumped up on my back, and I secured her legs and arms around me.