Page 81 of Ghost Of You
"Don't you dare tell me what they would want!" My voice cracks with anguish.
"Think, Killian. He's not worth it. He was a terrible father to Laelia, just like yours was to you. He isn't worth the trouble or the pain he'll cause you. Think aboutLaelia. Think aboutEstella."
Ethan's eyes are pleading, and though I want to argue, I know he's right. I look at Laelia's father, a man who has brought nothing but pain into our lives. If I could end his life to bring herback, I would. But Ethan's right. Laelia would never want this, and I can't let my anger destroy me further.
I tear my gaze away from him and walk past Ethan, my emotions a tangled mess of fury and grief. I make my way to my mum, who waits beside the car. Today is supposed to be a celebration of Laelia's and Estella's lives, but all I feel is the unbearable weight of my loss.
Later, I sit alone in the backyard, the bottle of whiskey my only company. The pain is constant, a gnawing reminder of what I've lost. Everyone is inside, sharing memories and trying to find solace in each other. I just want to escape, to numb the relentless ache.
I reach for another bottle of whiskey, determined to drown out the pain, but I'm met by Ethan's steady gaze. his eyes are filled with concern as he watches me.
"Ethan," I slur, feeling the weight of the alcohol beginning to fog my mind. "What's the point? I've lost everything."
"Killian," Ethan's voice is gentle but firm. "How many bottles is that?"
"None of your business," I mutter, taking another swig. I get up from the chair and head towards the back door, searching for more.
"You've had enough," he says, his voice cutting through my haze.
"And who's going to stop me?" I challenge, stumbling slightly.
"I will," he says resolutely.
"And why would you care?" I hiccup, the bitterness evident in my tone. "You haven't lost anyone."
"Because I care about you," he says, his voice laced with pain.
I turn to face him, my anger flaring. "You don't know what it's like! Don't you dare judge me!"
"I'm not judging you," Ethan responds, his voice breaking. "I'm trying to help you."
"Fuck off! I just buried the love of my life and my child!" I shout, tears streaming down my face.
"I know," Ethan says softly. "But this isn't what Laelia would want. She wouldn't want you to destroy yourself."
"How do you know what she would want?" My voice is raw, filled with anguish.
"Because she loved you," Ethan says, his voice cracking. "She wouldn't want to see you like this. You need to let this out, but not like this."
In my rage, I throw the bottle against the wall, and it shatters, sending shards across the patio and the grass. I swing at Ethan, my fists driven by all the pain and guilt that has been consuming me. We tumble onto the grass, and I continue to hit him, my vision blurred by tears and fury.
"Fight back!" I scream, my voice breaking.
"No" Ethan gasps, blood staining his lips. "I'm not fighting you."
The sight of Ethan's battered face, the blood, and the look of resignation in his eyes pulls me back to reality. My mum's voice cuts through my haze, and I realise how far I've gone. Jasper and Lloyd intervene, pulling me off Ethan. I drop to my knees, overwhelmed by guilt and sorrow.
"I'm so sorry," I sob, tears mingling with dirt on my face. Ethan is bruised and blooded, but he sits there, his eyes full of compassion.
"You don't need to apologise," he says, his voice strained but kind. "This was bound to happen. You needed to let it out."
"I hurt you," I cry, the reality of my actions hitting me hard.
Ethan's face is marred with injuries, but he manages a pained smile. "You got a few good punches in. Don't worry about it."
Through my sobs, I cling to him, my world shattered and broken. "She's gone," I wail. "She's gone."
"I know," Ethan whispers, holding me close. "But you have us. We'll get through this together. I love you, brother."