Page 10 of Bean
“I felt some sparks…unless I was mistaken? In which case, I will happily back off and continue chatting.”
Oh, crud, this was happening. How did I navigate this? Set expectations, Nash had told me. Be clear about what you want and what you don’t want. “Erm, yes. Sparks. There are definite sparks.”
His mouth curled up in a sexy smile. “Oh,good. Seems I haven’t lost my touch yet. I get the feeling you don’t have a lot of experience with this?”
“That depends on what you mean by ‘this.’ I don’t have experience with men. Which I probably shouldn’t say because it’s not cool and even less sexy, but just to set expectations. And I’m not interested in a relationship. I have too much to deal with already. But I did recently accept that I’m bi, and I’d love to explore that part of me. Also, I ramble when I’m nervous.”
He put his hand on top of mine, and dang, my belly did multiple somersaults. “I like honesty, even if it comes in rambling form. Makes things so much easier. And for what it’s worth, I’m not looking for anything other than sex either.”
Sex.There it was, that word that still sent a wave of guilt through me. Ten years since I’d left my parents’ house and, with it, the strict religious upbringing they’d enforced on me, but I still hadn’t been able to let go of it completely. The guilthad rooted so deeply inside me that it had become my constant companion.
Sex was a sin. Technically, the Bible didn’t give a ranking for sins, but the church sure as heck did, with sexual sins ranking at the very top. Premarital sex was bad, cheating was worse, but homosexual sex was the worst. Unless it was a pastor or elder who’d gotten caught in a sexual sin. Then, it was “a moment of weakness in the face of the devil’s temptation.” Riiiiight.
I squared my shoulders. “I’d like sex. With you. If you want.”
Someday, I’d learn how to be smooth about this. Today was not that day.
But the guy—why couldn’t I remember his name?—didn’t seem to mind, as his smile only broadened. “Then we’re on the same page. Do you live close?”
“No, I’m forty-five minutes out. You?”
“Five-minute walk. Would you be okay with that?”
“Y-yes.” With trembling hands, I reached for my phone and unlocked it. “Can you type in your address here so I can text it to a friend?”
His smile was stuffed with approval. “Absolutely.”
His fingers were swift as he put his address in, and then I sent it to Nash with a quick line.
Hooking up. Will text when I’m done.
His reply was instant.
Proud of you. Have fun. Be safe.
I closed my phone. “Lead the way.”
We spoke little as we left the bar and headed out. My heart was racing and my hands were clammy. I was actually doing it. I was finally getting my first experience with a man. All I could do was hope I wouldn’t mess it up.
Oh, wait. We hadn’t talked about what we were going to do. Would he expect anal? I’d done some research—funny how I had no trouble rememberingthosefacts—and most articles had said it wasn’t required, that hand jobs or oral would be fine. Though that wasn’t much better since I didn’t have experience in either.
I cleared my throat. “Just so you know, I may need some…coaching. Preferably in the form of detailed instructions.”
The guy pressed his lips together like he was suppressing a laugh. “Like a manual?”
“A manual would be epic, but I highly doubt you have one. But just…” I sighed. “I don’t know what I’m doing, so you’ll have to tell me if I’m doing something wrong, okay?”
“What did you do in the Army?”
Huh? I wasn’t expecting that one. “I was an ordnance specialist, leader of an ordnance team.”
“Ordnance. That’s…?”
“Weapons and ammunition.”
“So you had a very important job.”
“Yes, sir.” I winced. “Sorry. Hard habit to break.”