Page 13 of Bean

“It was why I joined the Army. I didn’t know if I’d ever do anything good with my life, but then this recruiter came to my high school and just…made sense.”

I didn’t fully understand. My grandparents managed to escape the USSR just before my uncle was born, and the fear that was left in him made my father raise me without any sense of patriotism. But I could see in Bean’s face how much it meant to him.

“I know a lot of the country doesn’t get it, and a lot of people join the military without the best intentions, but I always figured I was fighting for peace. And it’s something I still hope for.”

God, he was so sweet. I was helpless against the need in his eyes. I leaned in, brushing my lips against his, coaxing his mouth open. I touched his tongue with my own and he sucked in a breath before surging into me. He was still trembling, but I had a feeling it was more with need than fear now.

I wrapped him tightly in one arm, my free hand fumbling for the door handle. I’d been in this rental for a while, but it was still unfamiliar, so it took me a minute to get him into the bedroom.

It was dark but tidy, nothing to trip over as I guided him to the bed. He stiffened again, and I stopped just before the backs of his knees met the mattress. “Hey, you still good?”

“Are you going to keep asking me that?” he bit out.

I shrugged. “Probably, yeah. I’m not trying to patronize you, sweetheart, but this is your first time, and I don’t want you to get in over your head.”

His jaw tensed. “I’m not.”

“I believe you. But I want to make sure you and I both understand that either of us can stop this at any time, okay? If it starts to be too much, say the word and it’s over.”

“I don’t want to stop.” His voice was low, pleading, and so fucking sweet.

I groaned, rocking into him. “I know you don’t. I know.” I urged him backward, his knees buckling when they hit the side of the bed, and he sat down hard enough that the air rushed from his lungs. “Just promise me you understand that you can,” I pleaded, wanting an answer before I let myself go to the lust rushing through me.

He swallowed heavily and met my gaze.“I understand.Thank you.”

I grinned as I dropped to my knees, but he made a slight noise of protest and touched my shoulder, and I froze. My hands had been going for his zipper, but I quickly pulled away.

“I don’t think…I’m not sure,” he amended carefully, “if I’m ready for all of it.”

“All of it?” I repeated.

Even in the dim light, I could see his cheeks darken. He glanced away for a second. “You know…um.The kind of sex two men have where one is…is…”He stopped again.

Part of me wanted to make him keep talking. I liked the way he looked when he was all flustered. But I knew I could fluster him in a much more fun way. Besides, I didn’t want to make any part of his first time miserable. I wanted him to look back on this and remember one of the best nights of his life.

Besides, I knew what he was trying to say.

“You don’t want to have penetrative sex tonight,” I said.

He choked a little, then cleared his throat. “Um. Yeah.”

I grinned and rose higher on my knees so we were nearly nose-to-nose. “I hadn’t really planned for that tonight anyway. But there are plenty of ways to have fun and feel really, really good without it.”

“Yeah?”

I pressed my hand to the tent pitched in his jeans and rubbed the heel of my palm along his erection. “Yes, Bean.Trust me.” He gasped at the friction, leaning forward, his forehead hitting my shoulder. His hips began to rock, almost like he had no control. God, he was addictive. Could I really only have this for one night? “Oh, darling, look at you,” I murmured, rubbing him harder.

He whimpered, then pushed me back with a sharp breath. “Stop. Wait.”

I snatched my hand back, but before I could stand and back away, he dug his fingers into my skin and didn’t let me go far. “Bean?”

He looked up at me. “Sorry. I was…was about to, um.You know.”

Ah. I hadn’t been there in years, but I still remembered the feeling of shooting off too quickly a little too well. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” He squared his shoulders. “I want to last more than five seconds.”

I wanted to tell him it didn’t matter. That we had all the time in the world. That this didn’t need to be over the moment he came. But I also didn’t know how long he planned to stay, and I wasn’t an expert at hookup culture. My only real experience was years back when I agreed to experiment with Gio and an open marriage.And that had been as much of a disaster as the rest of our marriage.So yeah, I was definitely a fish out of water here.