Page 30 of Bean
“A good something?” he asked.
“Thebestsomething.”I kissed him one more time for good measure. “Do you want your little book?”
He grinned shyly. “Yeah. Do you mind? I really don’t want to forget any of this.”
I sat up and rummaged through his pile of clothes until I found his book and pen. Handing it off, I watched as he scribbled for a good, long while, then he peered up at me and chanced a tiny smile.
“Can I see you again?”
I took his hand and pressed my lips to his knuckles. “Honey, you can see me anytime you want.”
“And that’s not, you know, breaking rules or anything?”
“Fuck the rules,” I said, and he flushed the way he always did when I swore. “We make our own. And screw anyone who tries to tell you differently.”
“You seem happier.”
I tilted my head to the side and stared across the table at my brother. “Okay?”
“I just mean, you’re smiling more. Are you finally realizing how much better your life is without that spoiled walking handbag?”
“Don’t call him that,” I said mildly, but I knew what he meant. It wasn’t Gio’s gender presentation he was insulting. It was the fact that he made his entire personality designer obsession. “And yes. That pretty much sums it up.”
The truth was, it was more than just living without Gio. It was still a struggle to be in the rental, and I was still trying to find my footing at my new job, but my night with Bean had helped. We still had no strings, no promises, and no expectations. But there was something about him that settled me in ways I hadn’t expected.
It was treading dangerous ground, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
“Okay, seriously, what’s going on?” Andrei demanded.
I pushed my salad away and folded my arms over my chest. “Nothing. It’s just…I don’t know…I feel like I’ve finally started learning how to live my life the way I want. Everything with Gio was some sort of compromise, and now I don’t have anyone to worry about except myself.”
Andrei scoffed. “If by compromise you mean doing everything he wanted because he’d throw a tantrum if you didn’t, then yeah. Sure.Compromise.”
He was right. Gio had made me believe that giving in to him every time was meeting in the middle, but deep down, I’d knownit wasn’t. It was me being a doormat and letting him walk all over me. I was still struggling to come to terms with the fact that I’d let him open the marriage all those years back just to make him happy.
I’d allowed myself to be hurt, and he hadn’t cared how I felt because he’d gotten what he wanted.
That was the hardest part of the divorce, realizing how much of our relationship had been one-sided. Gil was selfish and cruel, and nothing would ever matter to him more than his own reflection.
“I’m glad things are better,” Andrei said, his tone kinder now. “I hated seeing you miserable.”
“I hated being miserable. I don’t love the fact that I had to uproot my entire life to end one bad thing, but once the townhouse is done, I’ll feel more settled.”
“And the new job?”
I laughed and shrugged. “It’s nothing like corporate America, I’ll tell you that much. I’m struggling to feel like I belong there. Sometimes, I worry the job is something Ivy invented to keep me busy.”
Andrei rolled his eyes. “She wouldn’t do that. She’s not going to pay someone a salary to sit and look pretty. Even if it’s someone she loves.”
He was right on that account, though secretly, I had a feeling she’d payhimto sit around her office and look pretty. But that was a whole different thing, and my heart was too tender and raw to deal with someone else’s unrequited love.Or lust.Whatever it was between them.
“Anyway, I—” My words were cut off by my phone buzzing, and I glanced at the screen to see a preview of a text message from Bean.
Do you think…
“Who is it?” Andrei asked, waggling his brows.
“No one.” I swiped open the message.