Page 46 of Bean

“Is this allowed?”

I blinked at him. “Is what allowed?”

He rubbed at his temple, frowning. “I know you said no rules. I wrote that down more than once in my book.” He had his book on the couch cushion by his thigh and ran his fingers over it a few times, almost like a comfort thing. “But I mean, there have to be rules, right?”

“Do you have rules with your other friends?” I asked.

His smile softened. “Yeah, but they’re not, like, normal rules. Usual rules,” he corrected. “Nash hates when I call stuff normal.”

“It is subjective.”

His eyes crinkled with his grin. “That’s what he says. But I mean, we’re all scarred in some way or another, so we do have rules at home that are meant to protect each other. I don’t think that’s what you were asking.”

“No.” I hesitated, then turned my body to face him. He glanced at me, his hands now fidgeting nervously in his lap, so I picked one up and kissed his knuckles. He let out a very softbreath. I kissed his fingers, and his eyes closed. I kissed his palm, and his head tipped back. “That’s better.”

“Using your…manly wiles on me?”

I burst into laughter. God, he was so sweet. “More like trying to make sure you understand there’s not a line here you can cross. If you want to sit in silence and stare at the wall, we can do that. If you want to play a board game?—”

He grimaced. “No.”

“It’s still on the table,” I told him. “We can watch movies, or eat a meal, or fuck each other incoherent.”

“Yeah?I um…I like that last one.”

I reached out and traced a touch down the edge of his jaw.“Me too, sweetness.”

He swallowed heavily. “I actually have, uh…I have a list.”

“A list?” I was intrigued.

“Of things I want to try.” In his little book, bless that thing. He flipped to the back half, licking the tip of his finger to turn the pages. And there it was. A very neat and ordered list. “I came up with most of these after you and I, ah…after you…” I wasn’t sure if he was struggling because he was shy or because he couldn’t find the words, but I sat patiently until the tips of his ears weren’t so red. “The blowjob.”

“Ah. Thatwasa good night.”

He laughed softly and shook his head. “Yeah, it was.”

I ran a thumb over his bottom lip. “So you want to try these out with me?”

“I’ve seen them in porn, but the guys assured me porn is not realistic at all.”

I snorted and pulled back. “Not usually, no. I mean, we can get porn levels of freaky if you want, but porn isn’t going to show you some of the less pleasant things.”

“Like?”

I bit my lip. I didn’t want to turn him off, but I also thought maybe this was a good idea because the last thing I wanted was for Bean to flee in mortification the first time things got a little messy. “Well, anal can be a little messy and not always in the fun way.”

His face bloomed red. “Isn’t that what enemas are for?”

I coughed. “Ah. Those, uh…those can be helpful, sure. But they’re also not super great for you. Enough fiber and lube, and it’s usually not a problem.”

“Usually.”

“Sometimes shit just happens. But if you’re super uncomfortable with that risk, when we decide to go down that road, I can show you how to use one. But even those sometimes come with happy accidents.”

His eyebrows rose. “Happy accidents?What does that mean?”

“Something like shitting in your azalea bushes after chasing your dogs who were trying to escape the yard, and you were full of a solution because you were trying to surprise your husband, and you realized halfway across the grass you couldn’t hold it,” I said.