Page 93 of Too Many Beds
“You should have told me. We could have figured something out together.”
Luce shakes his head. “You don’t understand. He was powerful. I couldn’t risk it. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to come back, but I couldn’t let him use you against me.”
A heavy silence fills the room. Ben’s thoughts swirl, pieces of the past starting to fall into place. “But you’re back now,” he says, a hint of hope in his voice. “Somethingchanged.”
Luce looks up, eyes bright with a mix of bloodlust and satisfaction. “My sisters and I … we killed him. He spent years pitting us against each other, ensuring each of us thought of the others as threats. But he made the mistake of hitting our mother in front of us, and it turned out that all of us, working together, were enough. We tore him to pieces in his own throne room.”
Ben feels a surge of emotion—relief, joy, and a lingering sense of anger. “You killed him. You’re free.” His voice sounds far away, even to his own ears. Ben’s mind keeps throwing images at him—a hulking, fire-eyed monster leering at his sleeping form, able at any moment to tear Ben to pieces, no matter how hard he fought, no matter how loudly he begged. Ben rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes, struggling to suppress his imagination until it can only haunt him in his inevitable nightmares.
Clearly, he has a lot of processing to do, but it will have to wait until Luce doesn’t need Ben to be present with him.
“We had to,” Luce insists, his voice firm. “But I … I want to come home. I want to be with you, Ben.”
Ben’s heart swells at the thought, but he can’t ignore the complications. “Home? What does that mean? Will you leave again if one of your other family members comes looking?”
Luce reaches for Ben’s hand, his touch sending warmth through Ben’s body. “They won’t. They promised. Besides, my sisters don’t care about anything but their own power. As long as I don't threaten that, they’ll never come after me. I’ll leave if you want me to, but you are the only home I have ever had.”
Ben searches Luce’s eyes, seeking the truth in his words. “If you come back, you cannot leave again, Luce. Do you understand me?” He hesitates, hating to say the words but unwilling to lie to Luce, unwilling to take a risk on something this important. “Your father might have made you injure me; he might have made you kill me. But you disappearing absolutelyguttedme. If you do it again, you will break me. If you do it again, you can never come back. I deserve better than that. Am I being absolutely clear?”
Luce flinches, hunching his frail shoulders around his ears. “Crystal,” he whispers. “I’ve spent ten years wishing I could see you again, wanting nothing more than to come home.Pleaselet me stay, Ben. I’ll give you everything you want—I’ll be anything you need. I just wantyou.”
The weight of Luce’s words fills the air, and Ben’s heart pounds in his chest. Not even in the filthiest of fever dreams has he imagined Luce saying something like that, let alonemeaning it. His words hit every button Ben has, every tendency to cherish and protect and dominate and in that moment Ben knows that he lied. Luce can leave him a million times and Ben will forgive him whenever he shows up. Ben will offer him his heart to be smashed over and over and over again, just for the chance to see Luce smile at him.
“I just want you to stay,” Ben manages, because now is not the time for his sexual proclivities or to admit how lost heremains for his pretty monster. He shouldn’t be. Not after ten years, and certainly not as an adult, no longer a child nursing his first crush, isolated from the rest of the world and hero worshiping the most unlikely of saviors. “Please, don’t ever leave me.”Again.The final word goes unsaid, but Ben is sure that Luce hears it in the needy squeak of his voice, breaking like it did for that awful period of time when he was thirteen.
He doesn’t mean to beg, but he can’t bring himself to regret it when Luce’s mouth falls open, shock and awe clear across his rapidly warming face.
“I won’t,” Luce whispers, bringing one of Ben’s hands to his mouth and brushing his lips over Ben’s knuckles in a kiss Ben feels down to his bones. “I love you. I just want to be by your side again.”
The quiet confession is enough to break what little will Ben has left. His anger leaves him, the slight hint of fear and any trace of logic and maturity abandoning him completely. “You’ve always had my heart,” he tells his monster. “I never stopped loving you. I would have waited for you forever.”
Luce’s face firms into determination, and he shifts his weight, scrambling until he is on Ben’s lap, his knees on either side of Ben’s hips. Ben’s attention shifts, rapidly, to just how long it has been since he’s had sex, to just how affected he is by Luce’s persistent seduction attempts. Ben’s hands find their way to Luce’s slim hips and Luce sighs, shifting slightly until Ben holds him still, noting with pleasure the widening of Luce’s eyes, the faint flush of his luminescent skin.
“So love me,” Luce invites, the implication in his voice clear. “Forever.”
Ben has every intention of doing so, but he needs to make his point before he forgets everything else. “Not until you promise to be honest with me,” Ben says, voice firm. “If someone comes for you, you let me know. If I am in danger, we decide what todotogether. You do not vanish off the face of the earth without a single word.” He shakes Luce, just hard enough to ensure that he has his attention. “Do you understand me?”
“I promise I’ll keep you safe,” Luce says, a hint of a smile returning to his lips. “No more secrets. I want to be with you, Ben, in every way.”
Ben knows he’s being manipulated, can see how neatly Luce sidesteps his question, promising safety and honesty but not that he won’t leave if he thinks it necessary. He considers pushing the issue, attempting to bully his way into an agreement, but that will only lead to Luce lying to him.
Ben is tired of lies. He lifts Luce from his lap reluctantly but firmly, ignoring his dissatisfied little yelp as Ben deposits him on his feet. “I’m taking you to dinner,” Ben explains, needing time and space to smooth over the lingering consequences of both their choices. He wants Luce, he plans to have him, but not until his hands aren’t shaking, not until he is no longer rattled.
“I’m not hungry,” Luce whines, uncharacteristically pouty.
Ben smiles, charmed by Luce’s neediness. “I am,” he replies softly. “And I want pizza. How long has it been since you’ve had pizza?”
Luce flashes his fangs at Ben. “How long has it been since you fed me pizza?”
Ben stands up with a laugh, thinking back to the flat squares of over-sugared tomato sauce and cheap cheese that he used to smuggle back to his room for Luce. “That was cardboard, not Giovanni’s. Trust me.”
“I do,” Luce relents, putting his hand in Ben’s with a shy, happy smile.
It’s a first date, but it hardly feels like one. There’s no need for small talk, no awkward pauses followed by rushed interruptions as they both talk at the same time. Ben has never been able to be himself with anyone else the way he can with Luce. They don’t talk about anything deep, delving into the past unnecessary when instead they can focus on the future.
The only difference is that this time, Luce isn’t hiding: he is out in public, the faint shimmer to his skin dismissed as highlight, his fangs hidden behind his wine glass. The only eyes on Luce are covetous, envious when they meet Ben’s. Luce doesn’t seem to notice, his luminous gaze fixed firmly on Ben, but Ben is just a man, and he can’t help but be proud.
Luce nearly skips home, clearly giddy from the single glass of wine and the good food—and maybe because he’s as happy as Ben is, high on the future they are planning on building together.