Page 97 of Fate
“In the height of summer, I’ll grant you. Or when I was growing a child, I did not much care for it, then. These stools are hardly comfortable on the best of days.” Firen gave her a dubious look, for she could remember her mother’s weary sighs more often than that. “You do not believe me?”
Firen tilted her chin, smiling as someone walked by. Their eyes drifted over the wares, but their feet did not slow, and their attention flickered away just as quickly. She could bring them back, bring them in, but it would be a stilted sort of exchange,and not worth the effort. “I do not... not believe you,” Firen assured her. “I just remember it differently.”
Mama rolled her shoulders and fiddled with one of the anklets Da had finished. “You love the people,” she mused. “You light up when someone comes near, and I will admit that I’m relieved a little when someone walks on. Not with having fewer coins, mind. But...” she turned her attention back to Firen. “This is my trade. Mine and your fathers. And I’d not have any of my children bound to it simply because of our choices. So what are you here for, Firen? Truly. Not some sense of obligation, I hope.”
Firen sighed. She had not come here to complain. Lucian was working hard, and she loved their home. Loved that she could be as affectionate as she pleased. Loved...
When he was there.
Then it became a house. With her things in it, to be sure, but it felt so desperately empty when it was just her.
“How did you stand it?” Firen blurted. “When it was just you and Da and he was in the workroom, and you were all by yourself?”
Mama smiled at her as she reached out and patted her shoulder. “I was not alone for long, remember? Your brother came soon after. And it was different for us. He came in throughout the day. And if I was lonesome, I could go out and see him.”
Firen slouched a little further in her seat, plucking at a stray thread on her tunic. “I think I should start working with Da again. Or be... here. On market days, I mean. We’re... waiting. A bit. For our children.” She sat a little straighter because she’d allowed something too close to discontent to seep into her tone. “And we’re in agreement, so I’m not complaining. Just... nothing is how I imagined.” Her smile grew a little thinner. “Some ways it’s better. And then there’s... others.”
“Where you’re still lonely, and you thought having a mate would fix that forever and ever, and you wouldn’t need another living soul.” Mama said it all so dryly that Firen knew she found her ridiculous.
Chastened, she nodded.
“I tried to tell you,” she continued, which was a bit too close to a quip that Firen tried not to bristle. And she saw, because she was her mother, and she pulled her into an embrace. “Oh Firen,” she breathed. “You can work with us for as long as it pleases you. You can find your own employment if you’d rather. But I hope you’re not afraid to make new friends where you live, or that the old ones will be offended if you do so.”
Her throat burned. “Why wouldn’t they? I belong here. In my district. With all my lovely people.”
“True,” Mama agreed. “And you belong in towers, or in Halls, or anywhere else the Maker puts you. Because you are my lovely daughter, and it is a pleasure to know you. She kissed her temple before she pulled back just a little. “Is someone making you feel you do not belong?”
It was a question gently given, yet it was enough to cause her stomach to knot with dread. “You know there are.”
“Yes,” Mama agreed. Their rendition of the supper with Lucian’s family had been truthful, but carefully moderated. The overview more than the details.
She wasn’t protecting them. She’d promised herself that was not her responsibility. But she did want to protect Lucian. To ensure he was given grace even... even when she had struggled with that in the beginning.
“Have you seen them again?”
Firen rubbed at her wrist and suppressed another sigh. “No. And maybe that’s why I feel so guilty.”
Mama snorted, and then there was a customer, so she sat quietly and piped in only when it seemed important for the sale.A mate there to celebrate with a gift for a wife. A healthy girl, had they heard? A necklace. No, not just that. A bracelet would be better, wouldn’t it? Or maybe rings for her toes, or...
On it went.
And it was so delightfully normal that Firen forgot the rest of it for a while, and that was better still.
She watched Mama tuck the large coins into her purse and settled back onto her stool, her eyes drifting back to her daughter all too soon.
“Why do you feel guilty?”
Firen’s wings drooped, and she’d rather hoped Mama had been distracted enough to forget what she’d said. “Because he loves them. Loves them even now. And I don’t blame myself for being me, and I know he doesn’t either. But I wonder if I should... try. Or...” She shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“Has he said he misses them?”
Firen’s shoulders dropped further. “No. He’s tired. Says he isn’t, but I don’t believe him.” She glanced toward her mother. “I’m fussing about nothing, aren’t I?”
Her mother’s mouth pressed into a thin line. “Maybe. Or maybe you had in that head of yours all the people you’d get to love after you found your mate, and now you’re disappointed when they aren’t there.”
Firen’s throat hurt.
“When did you last see your sister?”