Page 83 of Missing Pieces
Chapter Thirty-Five
Ivy stays with me at my parents after I leave the hospital. I told her multiple times she could go home, but she won’t leave. It’s not that I don’t want her here, but I have too many emotions going through me. I don’t know what to do about the baby. I swore I would never have an abortion after the miscarriage. More than anything I am stunned by the fact that I somehow got pregnant again while on birth control. The OB I went to see told me that some people are just more susceptible to pregnancy. I thought it was a load of horseshit but who am I to say. Luckily, she told me the baby was more than likely fine despite the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed in the last week. Ivy tried to celebrate by drinking more booze, but I made the responsible decision of drinking water.
She is beyond excited for me. I am far less. I don’t know what to do. I almost want to reach out to Easton, but I can’t find the courage to do it. His phone calls have become less and less frequent. It’s not like I can blame him, I haven’t answered or responded to one call. I can’t face him for throwing the same thing in my face that brought us together. Deep down I hope he has a different answer to what happened, but I can’t keep my hopes up. Ashton and he were high school sweethearts and although he said they fell out of love a long time ago who’s to say they couldn’t rekindle that fire.
A knock on the door disturbs my thoughts. “Hey sweetie.” Ivy peeks her head through the door. “I just wanted to see if you were awake.”
I nod at her, still unable to find words for anyone. She walks over and sits next to me.
“Are you feeling any better?”
I turn away because she knows I can’t answer that.
“I know this is hard and I know you don’t want to face it, but I think you need to call East.”
I look out the window and watch the rain pelt against the glass. “I’m not ready.”
Ivy grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Honey, it’s been almost a week since you found out. I know you need time and space, but I think it’s best that you tell him. Heaven knows he’s been callin’ you like crazy. Maybe it’s time you finally answer.”
“I thought you were on my side,” I mumble as I stare off.
“Oh sweetie, I am on your side. And I don’t know what Easton is going through, but I know he loves you more than he has ever loved anyone before. I think you need to call him to let him know he hasn’t lost you yet.”
I turn toward her, tears welling in my eyes. “I lost him the second he lied to me about leaving. I heard him on the phone the night he left. He said I love you too to someone and it wasn't that hard for me to put two and two together. He was talking to Ashton.” I sigh and pull my hand from hers as I wrap my blanket tighter around myself. “He knew the one thing that would ruin us. And he did it. There isn’t any going back.”
Ivy stands and walks toward the door. “Well then you’re both dumb. I know he loves you more than he ever loved her. And I might not know what’s going on completely but—“
“What do you mean, ‘What’s going on completely’? I thought you didn’t know anything. I thought you said you had barely seen him!”
Ivy looks down at her feet and pulls on her side braid. Her eyes won’t meet mine, but I can tell they’re shifting back and forth, trying to find a way to hide her lies. “I wasn’t lyin’ when I said I barely see him. He came over a few nights before I came here. He was a mess.” Her eyes finally meet mine and I can tell she feels bad for not telling me this before. “He is not with Ashton, but there is something going on with her. He won’t say, but I know it’s bad. Right now, he needs support and love from who matters most to him. You. And you aren’t there. You won’t answer his calls. It’s ripping him apart. I promised him, just like I promised you, I wouldn’t speak about him to you. But y’all have put me in the middle and I’m fuckin’ sick of it. I know he feels lost without you and he needs you as much as you need him. But if you wanna keep lyin’ and pretend like you don’t need him, then fine. But I won’t be here to watch it happen. Y’all need to figure your shit out because I have had it up to here with both of you. So you do what you think is right but I won’t be a part of it. I’m going home. You decide when you wanna come home on your own.”
And with that, she walked out. I couldn’t find the courage to pull myself to get out of bed and go after her. Instead, I pull the covers over my head and cry more tears that I didn’t know I had.
* * *
I wrap my final gift for my parents and place it under the Christmas tree. Ivy left four days ago, and I haven’t heard a word from her. I don’t know whether to think she didn’t know more about whatever Easton was doing with Ashton or what. I am utterly confused about everything. Christmas used to be my favorite holiday, but right now I just want it to be over. I can’t paste on any more fake smiles today. Fortunately, my mother let me skip out on the country club Christmas party. They said they would leave early and we could celebrate with a late dinner. I hope they stay out. I’m much happier alone right now. At least that is what I keep telling myself. If I could drink a bottle of wine, I’m sure I would be much happier, but the little bun cooking in my oven has already had enough alcohol until it turns twenty-one.
I try to think about the fact I am finally getting to start a family. Everything I ever wanted. But the fact there is no father in my child’s life makes it seem as far from a family as possible. I’ve been fortunate that my mother hasn’t found out I am eating for two these days. My dad has been supportive and fantastic about keeping his mouth shut. I know I need to move out of my parents’ house soon and find a job so I can support my single motherhood, but the thought alone makes me break down more. I have this hope that Easton will call me or show up on my doorstep, flowers and all, groveling at my feet, begging for forgiveness. It’s a far away dream I know will never come true.