Page 49 of Drowning Erin
Itakethe world’s longest hot shower while he runs across the street to find us some food, and as my temperature returns to normal, I begin to recognize just how awkward tonight might prove. Brendan is huge. That double bed is probably too small for him alone, and tonight there will be two of us in there. And one of us hasn’t had sex in almost two months. I feel like I can’t breathe normally at thethought.
He’s back by the time I emerge from the bathroom, wrapped in nothing but a towel because my clothes are stillwet.
“I bought you a T-shirt across the street,” he says, “so you’ll have something dry to weartonight.”
He hands me a T-shirt that says, “I Put the ‘Ho’ in Tahoe,” and starts laughing as he watches my expression. “It was all I couldfind.”
I don’t bother to point out that he has purchased himself a perfectly non-offensive T-shirt; I’m just excited to wear something dry. I eat while he showers, trying not to focus on the idea of him in there, naked. What would Harper do in my shoes? I know for a fact she wouldn’t be sitting on this bed right now, eating a cheeseburger. I picture opening the bathroom door, climbing into the shower with him, and then I decide this is absolutely not what I should be thinking about at themoment.
I’m under the covers when he gets out, my stomach a storm of anticipation and excitement—two emotions that should not be there in the first place because nothing is going tohappen.
He turns off the light, but for some reason it only heightens my awareness of him. The bed sinks a little under his weight, and his bare leg comes into contact withmine.
“Please tell me you’re wearing something,” hesays.
“Of course I am,” I reply. “Did you really think I was going to climb in here naked withyou?”
“I’m sorry,” he huffs. “But I just came into contact with several unclothed body parts, so I had to ask. Whatever you’re wearing has got to be minimal atbest.”
“I’mdressed.”
“Okay.” He sighs unhappily. “Well, goodnight.”
“Good night,” I reply. His leg brushes mine again by accident. This bed is way too small for anyone his size, plus anotherhuman.
“Sorry,” hemutters.
I tell him it’s okay, when in actuality it’s sonotokay. Brendan’s thighs are like solid rock, and the fact that I’m in bed with him and we are both practically naked would be bad enough without the brush of his thigh every ten seconds reminding me of hispresence.
His leg brushes mine again, and my whole body is strung so tight that I practically jolt in shock when ithappens.
He exhales. “So what, exactly, are youwearing?”
“The stupid T-shirt you bought. Everything else waswet.”
He groans. “So you’re wearingnothingbut the T-shirt?”
I huff in frustration. “Did you think I was going to sleep in soaking wet clothes? Should I also keep one foot on thefloor?”
He sighs. “I’m not blaming you. I’mjust—”
“Justwhat?”
He hesitates. “Nothing.”
I could pry further, but the truth is I can’t worry about what’s up with him. I’m having a hard enough time with the things that are up withme.
35
Brendan
Three YearsEarlier
It takesme nearly three weeks to get Gabi into bed, which feels like 400 weeks in Brendantime.
“I’m not the kind of girl who sleeps around,” she warns me. “So once we do this, I’m not going to be with anyone else, and you aren’teither.”
Of course we’re both naked at this point, so I’d probably agree to anything. Almost any guy would, because not only is Gabi stunning, but she’s got curves that hardly seem real. The sight of her bare ass alone is enough to fry my brain. But I think I’d agree clothed too, though it’s the kind of statement that would have sent me running in the past. If anything good has come out of my experience with Erin, it’s this: I know now that sometimes you’ve got to make an exception. Sometimes you have to stop worrying too much about how messy it might be when it ends, and just go withit.