Page 60 of Parallel
She flushes, her tongue tapping once against her upper lip. “Actually…” she says, “I do.” We’ve reached the Metro at the worst possiblemoment.
“But you’re not going to tell me any of it, areyou?”
She shakes her head, blushing furiously. “Nope.” And, pressing her lips to the corner of my jaw, she turns and walksaway.
28
QUINN
Getting home from Foggy Bottom is nevernota pain in the ass. It involves taking the orange line back to Metro Center, then catching the yellow line to my stop. I’m bumped and jostled, pushed forward as I climb onto the train, pushed backward when others join us. My toes are stepped on. I inevitably give up my seat for an old person or a child, while some douchebag sits with his legs spread, taking up two seats instead ofone.
Tonight is no different, yet I smile the whole ridehome.
Going back to school is a part of it, abigpart of it— it means taking the classes I’ve been dreaming about for so long and telling Dee to kiss my ass sometime in the near future—but I’d be lying to myself if I gave it full credit. Because what really has me smiling right now, closing my eyes to remember the last hour more fully, is Nick. It’s dancing with him, having him walk me to the Metro, the call he placed that singlehandedly made something I’ve wanted for years happen in aninstant.
When the long ride finally ends, I walk home, preparing myself for less happy things—like the discussion with Jeff that’s coming. He’s in the yard when I arrive, playing football with Isaac, and I stay where I am for a moment to watchthem.
“Go long!” Jeff shouts and Isaac runs hard, catching the pass with his fingertips before he turns back to grin at Jeff, waiting for the praise he knows iscoming.
Jeff gives him a thumbs-up, beaming like a proud father. The sight makes me happy and sad at the same time, because this is who Jeff was meant to be. A dad and a football coach in some small town. But instead, he’s been trying to fit into my world, trying to constrict himself to my parameters, attempting one thing after another that doesn’t interest him or come naturally. He did all of that for me. Have I considered him once while I fantasize about someone else and make plans to quit myjob?
There’s a brick in my stomach as Jeff sees me walking toward him and smiles wide, clutching the football to his chest. His love for me is so pure and uncomplicated, but I can no longer say the same. “Hey babe,” he says, kissing my forehead. He throws the ball back to Isaac and waves to him as he wraps an arm around me and walks meinside.
He opens the refrigerator door. “I was going to start dinner, but I wasn’t sure when you’d behome.”
His goodness makes me feel petty and small. “I thought you weren’t getting in untillater.”
“I caught an early flight,” he says, squeezing my shoulder. “I just needed to see you after our talk last night. I know it’s been a pretty stressful couple of weeks, between your tumor and losing our reception hall. And maybe I’ve been pushing too hard on the house. I just reallywant—”
“Georgetown is letting me start in the fall,” I say, all in arush.
His jaw swings open. “What? We said we’d talk aboutit.”
“No,” I reply. “Yousaid we’d talk about it. I want to finish my architecture degree, and I have the money to do it. I’ll give Dee notice sometime in the next fewweeks.”
“What the hell, Quinn?” he cries. “We discuss these things. You can’t just go off and do whatever youwant.”
I meet his eye, and I feel…different. Like there’s another version of myself eager to be brought into the light, one who’s tired of sacrificing. I’m giving up everything I could have with Nick, but I’m done pulling my punches. I’m done acting like his happiness and my mother’s matter more than mine. “Dowe discuss these things?” I ask. “Because I don’t remember you saying a word beforeyouquit your job.Twice.”
“You know I’ve been trying,” he says, almost mute with shock. What he’s really saying ishow can you throw this in my face right now?And maybe he’s right. I’m no longer sure of anything. “And what you’re talking about is so different. I tell you I might lose my job and you just decide toquityours. Even if I keep my job, do you realize how tight things will be on oneincome?”
My hand grips the counter.Did he really just ask me that question?We’ve been living on one income—mine—on and off for the past six years. I’m not sure I realized, until this moment, how much I resent him for it. “Of course I fucking realize how tight things will be,” I reply, and I march into the bedroom and shut the door behind me before I can say anythingworse.
I hear the roar of his truck, and instead of being worried that we’re fighting, I’m just really glad he’sgone.
I want Nick right now. Instead I turn on Netflix and findInception. Even watching it feels like a small act of rebellion. I’m two minutes in when Nick texts, and it doesn’t even surprise me. I needed him, and here heis.
Nick: I’m listening toEverlongonrepeat.
Me: I’m watchingInception. It’s juststarting.
Nick: WithJeff?
I hesitate. The impulse to whine to Nick about the fight we just had is an unworthyone.
Me: No, he wentout.
Seconds later the phone rings. “I’ll watch it with you,” Nick says. “Where are youat?”