Page 42 of Shadow of Death
“It wasn’t aboutyou,” I said, the weight of everything that had happened in the last day sapping the last of my strength. “I wasn’t thinking at all.”
I had nothing to say in my defense. I’d acted on instinct, on fear, and now I was facing the person I’d been ready to abandon. I hadn’t imagined there’d be a way he’d ever speak to me again.
His grip loosened, and his hands dropped from my shoulders. “We’re in this together. If we’re getting out of here, you need to trust me going forward, if you’re capable of that,” he said.
I couldn’t tell if he was trying to hurt me or just being honest. Either way, maybe he was right. Maybe I was incapable of trust.
“You should leave here while you can,” I said. I’d get out of this myself, one way or another.
“No. It’s not that simple. I claimed you, vouched for you. I’m not doing that and just walking away, especially since you’ve clearly lost some of your powers.”
I nodded. “How did you know?”
“Because you’re still here.”
It felt like my stomach just bottomed out while he turned and walked back to the window.
He’d said he wouldn’t leave me, and yet he looked like he wanted to jump out of that window to get away from me. I couldn’t even blame him, considering what I’d just admitted to.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’twantto kill him. She said he was the one behind Death Day. If there was another way, I would’ve taken it.”
Did he believe me? Did he believe his father was the one? Kicks wasn’t talking, just looking out the window.
“Do you…”No.I wasn’t begging him to believe me, and that was where this would lead.
He looked back at me, and I couldn’t read him. He glanced at my filthy clothing.
“Go shower while there’s still hot water,” he said, and then turned back to the window.
When I was in the dungeon, I’d only wanted to see him, to make sure he was all right. Now I went into the bathroom, happy to be alone.
I stripped off my clothes and then stood under the flow of water. Grime ran down my flesh. I didn’t get out of the shower until the water had gone cold, and even then I hesitated.
When I got out, the bedroom was empty. I changed into the shirt I’d slept in on my first night here and climbed into bed, wondering how I was going to get out of this mess. Deathwouldn’t be any help. She might’ve been angrier than anyone else. I was on my own, without even Kicks as an ally.
It was more than an hour later when he walked back into the room. I’d begun to think he wasn’t going to return at all. I listened as he undressed, not sure if I should speak. I was afraid to even utter a word to him. How far we’d fallen.
I kept my eyes closed as I felt the bed sink behind me.
As much as I was scared to talk, it had been days since I’d checked in with Charlie.
“Can I use the phone? I don’t want Charlie to get worried.”
“I don’t have the satellite phone anymore. While I was still knocked out, after they took you, they raided our belongings. The phone is gone. When I demanded it back, they pled ignorance.” His tone was chilly.
Thankfully, I’d told Charlie there could be problems. I’d said we might be places we wouldn’t be able to charge it, afraid things might get messy. I’d never promised to call at a specific time for this exact reason, although I hadn’t expected things to devolve quite this quickly.
“I’m sorry the phone was lost,” I said. “I’d be upset with me too, but I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I just want to make sure you know that.”
“I don’t think youtriedto hurt me,” he said. “You just make your choices about what’srightfor me, and then I have to live with them.”
“What else could I have done?”
“Told me before you did it. Even if you were set on doing it, we might not be stuck here now. I might’ve been able to get us out. You don’t understand the fortifications he’s set up around this place.”
“Kicks, I—”
“Piper, I can’t speak about this right now. I wouldn’t even be in this bed if I wasn’t concerned someone else would come in here if I slept somewhere else.”