Page 15 of Never Enough
Knowing my sister will appreciate the heads-up, I search for her while ignoring everyone in my path. A handful of freshmen pat my back as I pass by, expressing how they’re eager to watch me play football. If only I cared.
I find Victoria in her usual haunt, a secluded garden where she reads between classes. Her eyes meet mine.
“Hey, bro,” she greets me, bookmarking her page. Back straight, face neutral. “What’s up? You look like hell.”
Gee. Thanks, sis.
I’m used to it, though, so I don’t let it bother me. What I am nervous about, however, is how she’ll take me breaking up with her best friend.
I nervously wring my hands. “I’m breaking up with Celeste.” There, I did it. Having been unhappy for far too long, it’s not fair to anyone to string her along.
Victoria’s eyes pop. “Are you serious?” Before I can answer, she jumps from her bench, grabs my arm, and practically drags me into a secluded corner. “Have you lost your damn mind? You can’t break up with Celeste! You’re the fucking golden couple of WU!”
I run a hand through my hair. “I’m not happy.” Haven’t been for a long-ass time.
The truth is, while Victoria is aware that I’ve struggled with depression, she doesn’t know all of it. I never told her I tried to end my life or that the woman she hates the most in the world is the reason I’m still alive. From my sister’s perspective, I’ve been doing better for the last several years. She attributes it to Celeste, but in reality, I’m a better actor. It’s easier to pretend when you have friends to pretend with.
Truth.
“Alex,” she says through her teeth. “Celeste is good for you. You know I’ll support you no matter what, and that’s why I’m pushing you so hard towards her. It’s perfect”—that word again—“between all of us. You’re my best friend. Celeste is my second best. Who wouldn’t want their brother and best friend married withkids? Besides…” She lowers her brows and gives me a hard look. “You’re only having doubts because you-know-who is back.”
Ah, fuck. Am I that obvious? Playing stupid, I ask, “Excuse me?”
“Daphne,” she spits. “Always throwing herself at you. Don’t give her the honor of becoming your little homewrecker.”
That stops me in my tracks. I’m exhausted. “Vic.” I sigh. “There’s no home to wreck. I care about Celeste—truly, I do—and you’re my sister, so of course I value your opinion, but I don’t love Celeste.” Please don’t ask me to stay with her.Please, Vic.
“So this has nothing to do with Daphne?”
It does, but I want Victoria thinking otherwise. If I tell her that, yeah, I’m breaking up with Celeste because Daphne returned, she’ll assume Daphne seduced me, when honestly I should have ended my relationship with Celeste a long time ago. That’s on me.
In some sick way, I thought that if I could just pretend to be happy, it would someday become real. Since I tried to end my life when I was a dorky wanna-be chef, I thought, as a popular jock, my environmental stressors would somehow erase the chemical imbalances in my brain.
Only, it didn’t stop. Well, it worked for a bit but not long.
So, having Daphne return gives me the insight that I’d rather be depressed and myself than depressed and miserable with the life I concocted.
Victoria must read my emotions like a book because her face softens. “Okay. Look, I support you.” I scoff, remembering how, only seconds ago, she urged me to stick with someone who makes me unhappy. “But this is going to devastate her. She’s been a good girlfriend, hasn’t she?”
I nod. I may not love Celeste, but she’s not wronged me. In fact, she has been an incredible girlfriend. She doesn’t deserve heartbreak.
“Right,” Victoria says. “So, how about you let her down gently? I’ll meet up with her after, so she knows that our friendship won’t be affected.”
“Of course,” I respond. “Us ending our relationship shouldn’t impact your friendship.”
“Exactly.”
“That’s why I need your help. How do I do this without hurting her more than I have to?”
Victoria squeezes my hand, her brown eyes—much like my own—holding a depth of understanding only siblings share. “Be honest but kind. Don’t give false hope. And whatever you do, don’t do it in public.”
“Thanks, Vic.” I let out a heavy sigh, the path ahead daunting yet necessary. “I’ll be careful.”
“Good.” She smiles, though it doesn’t reach her eyes. “And after, when the drama settles, maybe you can finally be truly happy.”
Her words are a balm to my frayed nerves. “Truly happy,” I repeat, allowing the idea to take root.
A few hours later, I’m at football practice.