Page 23 of This Christmas

When he starts opening my cupboards, I stand and make my way into the space. “What are you doing here, Zane?”

He pauses, his hand on the knob of the open cabinet. He closes the door and turns slowly, resting against my counter. “I love Caryn.”

The admission is like a knife to my heart. “Great. Congratulations. I think you should go.”

“No, let me finish.” Zane takes a couple of steps toward me, only for me to take two steps back. He frowns and runs his hand through his hair. “I never told Caryn about you. Not because I didn’t want to, but because she never asked. We get here and pretty much the first thing out of my dad’s mouth is how my mom wanted me to marry you. Again, nothing from her, no reaction at all. She didn’t yell or scream, or demand we go home. Then I took her to the farm, and, to be honest, I have no idea why I did that. We were driving by, and it was like I was on autopilot.

“I didn’t think you were going to be there. I expected to find you married with a family, and I found out very quickly that you weren’t. Part of me was relieved and I shouldn’t feel like that, Eve.”

“Because you love Caryn.”

He nods. “After the farm, she was quiet on our way back to the Inn. I thought she was going to yell andscream at me for what happened. With you. She asked if we were here for you and asked if I still loved you. I told her I didn’t.”

And the hits keep on coming. I’m not sure how much more I can take. But instead, I mask my impression and say, “And that’s the truth.”

Zane catches my gaze. I have to look away, mostly out of fear that I’ll run to him. “I told her a part of me will always love you because you were my first everything. Caryn looks at relationships and love differently than you and I would. She’s used to people wanting to be with her to get to her family, or her dad setting her up with men to benefit his business.”

“How do you fall into this?”

Zane lets out a sigh. “None of it clicked until now, but I think Mr. Bamford saw something in me and put Caryn in my path. He put us together. Kept us together.”

“Why?” The question catches in my throat.

He shakes his head. “I don’t know, Ev. But he knew about you from the beginning and made sure I never had any time to return. And yet, I always had time to go to parties where his daughter was.”

“Well, it must’ve worked. You fell in love, and you asked her to marry you.” The last part feels like I’ve swallowed acid. I always thought we’d be the ones getting married.

“Eve,” he says my name softly. “What if I never fell out of love with you?”

His question sends my mind reeling. I hate the what if game.

What ifthis?

What ifthat?

I shake my head, putting my hand up in case he has any thoughts of coming near me. “You need to go,” I tell him. “Asking you to come in was a mistake. You’re engaged, and the only reason you’re second-guessing yourself is because of nostalgia. It’ll all pass when you go back to New York.”

Zane stares at me for a moment, emotion briefly flitting across his face, before he nods. He turns the burner off and steps toward me, but then thinks better of it and moves toward the stairs. I stay at the top until I hear the door shut, and then move to my window. As he exits onto the street, he stops and looks up. I expect him to wave, but he doesn’t.

Neither do I.

TEN

ZANE

There are times in my life where I’ve felt out of control. It mostly happened after moving to New York and losing Evangeline. Knowing what I know now, I find myself questioning everything from that year, and it makes me feel incredibly uneasy.

When I returned to the inn after my late-night excursion, Caryn was out cold. Instead of getting into bed with her, I stayed on the couch. In the morning, she didn’t seem fazed by it one bit and said she had the best night’s sleep.

Ouch. What a shot to my ego. I’m sure she didn’t mean it the way it sounded.

After breakfast, we lounge in the sitting room. While I read the newspaper, which is such a novelty since I’m usually on my phone, Caryn’s fingers are flying over her keyboard, likely texting one of her friends or her mother.

“What do you want to do today?” I ask her.

“I’d like to go shopping.”

Thankfully, the newspaper hides my eye roll. “Okay, there are a few boutiques in town.”