Page 28 of This Christmas
It’s because of what I went through, that I’ve kept myself closed off from others. Sure, there are eligible men in town. Some would make fantastic partners. Men from the surrounding towns have shown interest. But I’m afraid. What I went through with Zane isn’t something I’m going to forget. In this case, time doesn’t heal all wounds. And now that he’s here, they’re opening again.
I know it’s not fair to compare other men to Zane. For what it’s worth, he’s apologized. He spoke his truth, and I believe he feels bad about everything. I’m just not going to let my guard down.
You mean work really hard to keep it up.
Earlier in the week, the crew from the farm brought the town’s Christmas tree to the town center. A couple of years ago, my dad had our employees rebuild the gazebo because it was falling apart. Ever since, therehave been some couples who have had their wedding ceremonies there. One time, I drove by during a ceremony, and the set up was beautiful.
Personally, if I ever get married, it’ll be in Old First Church, and of course I want a December wedding. There is just something about a wintery Christmas wedding with roses, chrysanthemums, and hypericum berries in a mixture of white and red, that conveys magic.
Of course, Santa would have to officiate.
Now, my dad and I stand at the Christmas tree and, as promised, I plug the lights in so we can make sure they work. Dad tests the button, which is really a lever pushed into the main power strip power button. We repeat the process multiple times before we call it good.
“Have you confirmed with Bernie?” My dad asks as we work to clean up the space.
“Not since I saw him on Monday. Why? What’s up?”
“Nothing. I’m making sure. You mentioned he wasn’t fully on board.”
“I think he’s nervous. He doesn’t like crowds and with Zane home . . .” I trail off, not sure where I was going with that.
“We should probably talk about Christmas dinner,” Dad says.
“What about it?” I hold out my arms, and he wraps the extension cord around them.
“Bernie always comes over. I imagine Zane will be with him.”
“And Caryn.”
Dad nods.
“It’s fine. I’ll be fine,” I tell him. “Caryn’s very nice. I think you’ll like her.”
“I heard she’s been staying in Albany.”
“Really?” The news surprises me somewhat, although I haven’t seen her around town, but I also haven’t been looking.
“I think she has a job there,” my dad says as if he knows anything about Zane’s fiancée.
“You shouldn't speculate about people, Dad. It’s not nice.” Nor is it true. Because I’m a glutton for punishment, I looked Caryn up on the web. Zane was telling the truth. She doesn’t work. Sure, with her mom they organize benefits, but none I would consider beneficial. It’s not like they’re out raising money for the food bank or pet rescue. They’re holding five-thousand-dollar-per-plate fundraisers for already rich people. Which is weird when I think about it. Zane is the total opposite.
This one time, we were driving back from Manchester. It had rained a ton and there was some flooding. We found a turtle in the middle of the road, trying to make it to safety. Zane stopped his truck so fast, careful not to hit the little creature. He blocked the road, got out, and carried the turtle toward the river. He never thought twice about it. Knowing what I know, it makes me wonder if Zane ever asks Caryn to help someone else. But then again, Zane was going to be that type of lawyer and went down the corporate route instead. People change and sometimes it’s not always for the better.
Dad finishes with the cord and takes it from my arms. He sets it on the ground, and then picks up another one. “Can I ask you a question?” He begins wrapping the thick wire around my arms.
“Of course.”
“Are you going to take Zane back?”
My mouth drops open at his ridiculous question. “Dad! Zane is engaged. There is no taking Zane back. Besides, we’re different people than who we were five years ago.”
“Bernie, along with your mom and I, have always hoped the two of you would get back together.”
“What? Why? He left me, Dad. Did you forget having to make a trip to Boston to help me move?”
“No, sweetie. I haven’t forgotten. But sometimes a parent just knows.”
I roll my eyes. “And sometimes parents are senile and stuck in delulu land.”