Page 11 of Grease's Guide

“Come on, we can't wait for Sphera anymore. Shows starting. Time for the cage float,” someone says, grabbing my hand and shoving me into the cage. There are already three bikes with their three riders on their bikes. It all happens so fast I don't even have time to figure out who shoved me in here.

“Ready, girl? Just remember, stand in the middle and ….” he trails off.

“Don't move? Don't die?” I wonder why he isn’t finishing his sentence. I’m looking all around me, but when my eyes meet his, he gives me a big, menacing smile.

“Put on a show,” he says, then revs his dirt bike and takes off before I can reply.

Oh my gosh, I can't breathe; I start to panic as one bike passes by me on one side while the other two cover me as well. They are everywhere. I can't tell which is which or even how manybikes are here at this point. My breath is coming out faster. I feel the wind from the bikes whipping around me, making me dizzy. They are everywhere, and I can't place them. Then I feel a touch on my shoulder, then my hand. I stay as still as I possibly can.

“You’re doing great, Sugarplum! Put your hands in the air!” Mama says from behind me, and if I wasn’t so scared, I would turn and glare at her. Instead, I find something in the crowd to stare at until this hell is over. Automatically, my eyes go to a disturbance in the crown.

I look up from three sets of motorcycle boots. My eyes follow a set of familiar legs, three almost identical vests with a patch I spent years drooling over. Muscles are popping out of three sets of arms, and still, it feels like a lifetime before my eyes reach shoulders. I recognize Grim on one side, Hitter on the other, and then my eyes slowly make their way to the baby blues I know so well.

However, at the moment, they are filled with red-hot rage as he tries to break out of the grips of his brothers. My eyes widen as I make contact with his, and my pulse spikes. I don't need his words. I can tell exactly what he is trying to convey by that eye contact.

I’m in a shit ton of trouble. Fuck. Time to disappear.

Chapter Nine

Grease

BOOM BOOM BOOM

…Is that pounding in my head or the door? I moan as I try to move or breathe without the searing pain flowing through my temples.

“Grease, get the fuck up. Church in twenty!” I hear I think Comp say through the door.

“Fuck you! Leave me alone,” I try to yell back, but end in a soft tone as I press my hands against my eye sockets. It doesn’t help in the least.

“If I have to come back and drag your ass to church, just know your face will look even worse than mine,” he threatens, and I hear the sounds of retreating footsteps.

Blinking my eyes open so I can take stock of my appearance. Still dressed in boots, jeans, and the same white shirt as yesterday and probably the day before that. Shit, when was I sober last? Probably the last time they gave me false hope of where Beck… I mean, Lyra might be. We had been following closely behind them for a couple weeks, then suddenly, they dropped off the map. No way to find them, no way to track them. I don't pretendto know all the tools and tricks Comp uses to find people, but I know that if Comp can't find them, I have no hope.

The only good thing about that is that the fucks chasing her won't be able to find her either. I did everything I could, but Swift and Comp told me I had to leave it to them in the end. I had to trust them. Problem is… I do trust them. But that doesn’t change the way my chest hurts beyond belief. It feels like every minute I don’t know where she is or if she’s safe feels like my soul is ripping into shreds piece by an agonizing piece. Knowing Comp will make good on his threat, I decide I should get up and shower.

Turning my head to the side, I notice Mr. Trig sitting on the pillow. Crushing loneliness hits me right in the chest and with it, undeniable rage. Picking up the bear, I throw it across the room. Just the sight of it causing me to lose it. If I don't go to anger, I go to sadness, and I handle anger way better. Jumping up from the bed, I turn and punch the wall, my hand going straight through the drywall.

Before even trying to disengage my hand from the wall, I lean my forehead against it. I can't keep going on like this. If this is only three months and the agony of her loss only gets worse with each passing day, how can I possibly survive longer? Taking a deep breath and deciding to man the fuck up, I straighten my shoulders, remove my hand from the wall, and turn to pick up the fucking bear. I go to the other side of the room and bend down, grabbing him by the stupid-ass leather cut granting him “Property of Becks” I notice something white sticking out of the bottom of the vest. I pull, my eyes widening when I realize it's a note…. And it’s addressed to me.

Grease,

If you're reading this, then I’m probably gone. Hopefully, I just left the club and not the earth… okay, that might not have been the best joke. Scratch that out (I would, but I’ve had to rewrite this letter a hundred times, so here it goes). I don’t know what to say if you want to know the truth. There's so much, but so little, at the same time. So much I want the kids to know, the club, the beautiful old ladies.

I wish I had the words to express the safety and compassion I felt radiated from everyone there. I’ve never belonged anywhere. Until I moved there. With you and your family, Grease, I understand the meaning of family for the first time. I always had my mama, but we were the outcasts; we didn't belong, and everyone ensured we knew it.

I need to tell you how I feel. That's what this letter is about. I need to get it all out, especially if I was never brave enough to do it in person. First, please tell the ladies how much it killed me to turn down their friendships and invites over and over. I felt it necessary to keep a distance for my sanity and all your safety. It was hard growing close at all, knowing I would never get to stay.

The kids were impossible not to fall for. Each with their own different purpose and personality. I wish I could see them grow. To be there to help through the scary times, through the tears, and laughs… all of it. It kills me knowing they won't remember me. Maybe I’ll get lucky, and Rome, Rae, and maybe Mabel will fondly think of me in passing, but the younger kids… won't even know me anymore. That breaks my heart.

But never telling you how I truly felt breaks my heart the most. I’m not even sure if you will ever find this letter, but I need to get it off my chest. The first night I met you, I remember thinking I would follow this guy to the ends of the earth. I’ve never had that reaction, and to tell you the truth, it scared the shit out of me. I didn't believe in love at first sight, especiallywhen I saw the town of men I grew up with. Then there you were, proving me wrong. I wanted to smile, and just as I did… you opened that infuriating mouth of yours. You might be a charmer, a fuck boy, and all around asshole, but I loved you all the same.

Fighting with you and sparing with our glares and words gave me life, something to look forward to. I always felt so special that I could get a dig at you that made that cocky smirk falter. I loved that I was the only one that could truly get under your skin. That you were vulnerable only to me. I loved it because the truth is you are the only person to ever get the real vulnerable me as well.

I’m sure by now you’ve heard why I’m running and who I'm running from. I need you to understand I hate myself for the thought of bringing this danger to your family, but I knew I was safe with you. I knew I should have left after a month of being there, but I loved you all too much. I did this to myself. I put myself in this position and had to leave to protect you all. I couldn't sit by and watch that little boy be hit and abused every single day. I couldn't sleep on the weekends, just wondering what torture they were doing to him while he was at home. Knowing he was safe at school was the only reason I got out of bed some days. He was the sweetest little boy. Had big blue eyes, a shade darker than yours. He was so soft-spoken, but gentle and kind. There is no way he could have done anything to deserve the abuse, the hits, the kicks, the burns…. I couldn't handle it. You would have loved him, though. Anyway, it’s all in the past now, and hopefully, out there somewhere, he’s safe…

I don't know where I am or what I might be doing at the moment, but there are a few things I wanted you to know…

One, just know that my time with y'all was the best time of my life.