Page 111 of Poison Evidence
“I need to go with you.”
“I really want to be alone. You can watch from the beach. I’ll stay within sight of the resort.”
Sean’s mouth pinched, then he gave a sharp nod. As one of Raptor’s top operatives, she knew he hated this kind of babysitting duty. He was usually off in foreign lands guarding much higher-risk targets than the boss’s cousins, and with CAM firmly in the hands of the Pentagon, Ivy was in no danger here.
She headed for the exit, only to find Hazel, hands on hips, planting herself before her. “Oh no, you don’t, big sister. Youpromised.”
“I just want to go paddling.”
“We paddled all day. Tonight you said you’d dance.”
She shrugged. “I’m not feeling it.”
“So you didn’t like the German guy. That’s fine. There are a dozen other nationalities to choose from. How can you possibly resist a Jamaican accent?”
Ivy puffed out a breath. “I’m just not in the mood, okay?”
“Ive, you need to get out there and dance. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Just have fun. Cut loose. Hell, pick up a guy and have a vacation fling. No one will judge you.”
She hooked her arm through Ivy’s and pulled her back to their table, waving to the cocktail waitress as she passed. The three of them arrived at the table simultaneously. Hazel ordered two fruity tropical drinks with Ivy’s favorite coconut rum. After the woman left, Hazel asked, “When was the last time you got laid? Please don’t tell me it was Patrick, because the thought of that makes me want to hurl.”
Ivy usually accepted comments like that without a word, but something inside her snapped in that moment. Maybe it was the melancholy of missing Julian. Or the awkwardness of being in a bar ostensibly to pick up men, when there was only one man she wanted, or even Hazel’s offhand reminder of the last time she’d had sex. Whatever it was, she couldn’t be silent anymore.
“Hazel, I love you with all my heart, but you need to stop shaming me for the fact that I was in love with my husband. I carry enough guilt on that point myself without you piling on.”
Adrenaline flooded her as she realized she’d said thethingthat had been bothering her for years but which she’d avoided because, conflict.
Hazel was her best friend, and barbs from her hurt more than from anyone else.
Hazel sat upright, her eyes wide with shock. “Do I do that?”
Ivy cocked her head. “Um, yeah. Basically from the moment we got engaged.”
Without warning, a tear rolled down Hazel’s cheek. “You know how you can believe you’re a good person, and in one moment you see yourself in a different light?”
Ivy gave a sharp nod. “Yeah. I’ve been in that neighborhood.” She’d visited that street a thousand times in the months after Patrick was arrested, then again in Palau, and she’d set up permanent residence as she and Julian waded through the murky waters of establishing a parent-child relationship.
Nothing was easy.
The only way to approach Julian in those times was through the lens of love. He was a hurting boy. She was a flawed parental figure. If they held on to the love, they could navigate the heartache.
She called up that love to address her sister, who’d inflicted more pain that she’d ever realized over the years. “You’ve been better these last few months, but you still slip in these snide comments here and there, and I’m done with it. I don’t need your judgment any more than I need the judgment of strangers. Less even, because from you, ithurts.”
“Oh, Ive. I’m so sorry! Why didn’t you tell me?”
She shrugged. “Probably because I felt it was my due to be shamed. But fuck that. I fell in love with a man and married him. He turned out to be a monster. But that wasn’t my fault. And it wasn’t my fault I didn’t know, because he worked damn hard to hide it from me and the rest of the world.” There. She’d said it. The feeble defense she hadn’t bothered to express to the outside world. Because no one outside her inner circle would really give a damn, but also because in the long run, they didn’t matter to her.
The waitress returned with their drinks. Hazel reached for Ivy’s hand. “I’m sorry, Ive. I really—I didn’t realize I was doing that. Please don’t hate me.”
“I could never hate you, Haze. You’re my sister. Even when I’m mad as hell at you, I love you.”
Her heart ached in that moment for Dimitri. She hated that she hadn’t been able to be with him these last months, as he faced his sister’s betrayal, which was infinitely more devastating than anything Ivy had faced—even when she added Patrick to the mix. She could only imagine how painful it must have been for him to come to grips with his sister’s actions.
Hazel held up her drink. “Can we start this vacation over? I’ll stop being a bitch and grousing about Sean.”
Ivy picked up her drink. “And I’ll try to relax and be more fun.” They clinked their glasses together, pact made.
“Promise me you’ll dance with the next man who asks.”