Page 84 of False Evidence
He ran his hand over his face. “We didn’t know the incumbent wasn’t going to run until early December. I was still exploring options and wasn’t a hundred percent decided. I knew you weren’t happy about moving to New York, and I didn’t want to freak you out before the wedding.”
“So you left me out of the decision entirely. As yourwife, I should have been part of it. Not an afterthought. Because hell yeah, I’d have had a problem with you making such a huge unilateral decision that would affect both of us right when we were finally moving in together full time. I should have had a say. But that was the power imbalance. Your money, your decisions.”
She turned and faced the tree with the pile of presents, her spine stiff. “You’d already made it known you didn’t want children. I had accepted that. I thoughtyouwould be enough. But then I realized I didn’t really have you at all. Not if you shut me out of decisions like that. And it was only a matter of time before I would be like your stepmom. Only important when it was time to run charitable events. How long before you started bringing mistresses here just like your dad? Because if you didn’t love me enough to give me a say in one of the biggest decisions of your life right before we married, it didn’t feel like our marriage vows would be as sacred to you as they were to me.”
His throat had gone dry. He’d known some of this, of course, but he’d never understood the depth of the damage he’d caused in keeping the potential campaign a secret. He cleared his throat and tried to talk around the tears that were clogged there. His words came out as a whisper. “I’m sorry. So deeply sorry.”
A tear tracked down her cheek, and she swiped it away. “This is the first time you’ve ever apologized for that. At the time, you tried to convince me I was blowing everything out of proportion.”
“I was a dumb fuck.”
“You broke my heart. I still loved you, but I couldn’t marry you. Not then.”
Then they’d slowly slid back into a relationship when he chose not to run after all. But he’d never apologized. Never owned how he’d sabotaged their relationship. He’d finally been ready to step up and reconcile if she’d have him and had planned to propose again after Joe announced his candidacy for president.
But then his dad was arrested, and he fell apart. He couldn’t turn to Lee, who was processing his own pain over what Joe did. Lee had Erica, and they both had their own trauma over what happened in the end.
So JT turned to Alexandra. She supported him. Loved him. She was the only thing holding him together. He moved to Maryland, and they finally, after all their years together, lived in the same area full time. Lex essentially moved in with him, but still officially shared an apartment with Kendall.
But he was angry and bitter over the pain of the canceled wedding. He’d treated her horribly instead of loving her like he should.
“I’m sorry. For what I did and didn’t do. And for not owning my shit and apologizing then. For not loving you like you deserved when you were giving me everything. I hate myself for how I treated you. I was so awful, but you stayed by my side, and so in my head, I convinced myself you were only in it for the money. I’m so desperately sorry. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. The only woman I ever will.”
She took another step toward him. “Thank you. I spent a lot of years wishing we could figure out how to go back to who we were in the beginning. We were great together until the last months before the wedding.”
“You knocked me off my feet.” He glanced at the TV, still showing the movie they’d watched together that night. “Christmas Eve sixteen years ago was one of the best nights of my life. It was the night I learned your name.”
She took the last step that separated them. “And I finally got to see you naked.”
“You always wanted me for my body, not my money.”
“Can you blame me? You have an excellent body.”
“I’ve aged a bit.”
“So have I. Plus I have stretch marks, and breastfeeding has made parts that were once firm quite soft.”
“I like soft.”
“That’snotwhat she said.”
He laughed.
She slid her arms around his waist and pulled him close for a hug he desperately needed. “Hold me?” she asked.
“Always.” His arms surrounded her, and he held her tight against his chest. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered again. “I’ve done a lot of work in the last few years, but I know I have more work to do.”
The embrace continued, and JT felt whole for the first time in forever. If he could regain her friendship, it would be more than he deserved.
Lex tucked her forehead against his chest and let out a slow breath. “I needed this. The apology. The hug.” She looked up and met his gaze. “And I’m sorry that I didn’t look for a solution eleven years ago that included marrying you on New Year’s Eve. I couldn’t figure out another way to show you how deeply being left out of major choices hurt me. So I had to use the only power I had and make a choice without you.”
He stroked her cheek. “Truth is, if we’d married, Iwouldhave gotten worse. All I had to go on was an awful example of marriage and politics. And Lisa was my dad’s third wife. He was a lousy husband.” He cocked his head. “I’ve learned a ton from Lee and Erica. And Curt and Mara. They were some of the first relationships based on equality I’ve ever had front-row seats to witness.”
She leaned back in the circle of his arms. “Outside of Lee and Curt, you never had many friends.”
“A product of never fraternizing with employees. I’ve only ever worked at one company, and it was the one place where I couldn’t be anyone’s friend. It complicated everything when I needed to make tough choices and got even worse after what Spaulding did.”
On the TV, Ralphie was decoding a message from Little Orphan Annie.