Page 101 of Jackass

“You lied,” he said angrily.

“I know,” I conceded, my eyes still on the church doors.

“Then you lied about lying.”

I took a deep breath and turned to the young man.

“I did,” I admitted.

“Why?” he asked, his voice tight.

I studied him as he waited for me to answer. His body was rigid, wound up like a two-dollar watch. His knuckles were white where his hands pressed into the bar. But it was his eyes that held my attention.

I saw anger, but something else overshadowed the anger.

Something that looked like hurt. He looked crushed. As if, somehow, my lies had personally wounded him. Which made little sense.

“I don’t have an excuse to give you. I won’t justify my actions to make you feel better. The simple answer is, I did what I felt was right.”

“That’s the problem,” he stated bluntly. “You were only thinking of yourself. Mothers are supposed to put their kids first.”

I sat there, confused, as Mimic stormed away.

“Don’t let him bother you. He’s got some issues he needs to work through.”

I turned to my left. I hadn’t noticed Banshee sitting next to me.

“Would you like to add your two cents?” I asked sarcastically.

“Nope.”

That was it. That was all he said. He just sat there next to me, drinking his coffee. We sat there in silence for about fifteen minutes before I couldn’t take it any longer.

“Just ask me,” I demanded.

Banshee turned his head and looked at me. “Ask you what?”

“Whatever it is you want to know.”

He set his cup on the bar and turned in my direction.

“Do you love him?”

“With everything in me,” I answered immediately.

He nodded once, then picked up his cup. Before he took a drink, he asked, “Do you trust him?”

I sighed heavily. That was harder to answer.

“I want to. It’s not that simple.”

“Love never is,” he said. “What’s holding you back?”

“I’m scared. I trusted someone before and he hurt me. Not just my heart, he physically hurt me. I gave everything to him—my whole life—and the only thing I asked for in return was that he loved me.”

“You cheated on him,” Banshee said without looking at me.

My eyes burned. He was right. I could make excuses. I could justify my actions by saying Derek beat me. But the reality was, I broke my vow. Ever since Jack found out about Charlie, he had been angry. He had yelled at me. Gotten in my face. Ignored me. But he never raised a hand to me.