Page 304 of His Hungry Wolf
“I do,” I said looking into his big brown eyes.
As I looked at him, he reached up and kissed me. It wasn’t a long one, and when I tried to make it longer, he leaned back. Carrying him, I had no way of reconnecting with his lips. Placing him on the passenger side of the truck, he scooted away from me. I was starting to believe that he was teasing me on purpose.
Driving back to town Kendall explained how much my experience had shaped my life.
“I think that’s why you destroyed that car. You could have vented your frustration in a lot of ways. But, at a young age, you learned that violence was the solution to all of your problems.”
“Isn’t it, though? Violence paid my rent. Not only that, it got me my football scholarship. And wasn’t it my violent tendency that won you? Let’s face it, violence is what gave me everything that means anything to me.”
He paused. I had him. At least, I thought I did.
“It’s not your violence that got you your scholarship. I’ve seen you play. You’ve gotten what you have because you’re good, and you’re fast. How many hours have you spent working on that? It was your hard work that got you that.”
“Hard work and my wolf which is violent by nature. And what about you? Wasn’t it what I did to that asshole that got you to think about me differently?”
He was quiet again.
“It’s okay if it did. I’m used to it.”
“But I don’t want you to be. I don’t want you to think that that’s the way to solve your problems. You smashed up a car. Look where that got you.”
“Smashin’ up that car got me sitting here now next to you,” I said with a smile.
I was very happy to have won this debate, but not as much as Kendall hated losing it.
“Kendall?”
“Don’t talk to me.”
“Come on, now. Don’t be like that. Ya can’t always win an argument.”
“You think I care about winning an argument?”
“It really seems like it from where I’m sitting,” I said unable to contain a smile.
He looked at me frustrated.
“Well, I don’t. I don’t!” He yelled getting upset.
“Alright, alright. No need to get a way about it.”
“You don’t understand. If you think the way to solve every problem is with violence, what happens the day I become the problem you have to solve? Will you do to me what you did to Evan?”
“What? No! Why would you even think that?”
“Isn’t that what you were saying? Weren’t you saying you have a violent nature and that violence got you everything important to you?”
My face went white hearing his words. I felt like throwing up. The only thing I could do was pull over and shut off the truck. I turned to him quickly and he flinched. He thought I was going to hit him or something. As soon as I realized it, I raced out of the truck and emptied my breakfast into the weeds.
The retching didn’t stop. Every time I thought it was done, I would picture him flinching away from me and I would dry heave again. Eventually, Kendall came over.
“Are you alright?”
“I would never do anything like that to you,” I told him in the middle of convulsions. “Never! You gotta believe me. I wouldn’t!”
“Okay, I believe you,” he said kneeling next to me and rubbing my back. “I’m sorry I let you do what you did to Evan. I can see now that I wasn’t helping you by letting you do it.”
“I did it, not you. You didn’t let me do anything.”