Page 58 of His Hungry Wolf

He had left furious at me. And like the last time, he had the right to be. Was I even capable of not hurting him? What was it about me that made me keep doing this?

Was it how badly I wanted him? Did my obsession with him blind me to reason?

Yes, he wasn’t ready for the workout. I could see that. He wasn’t far off, but he wasn’t there yet. If I had been more patient and perhaps considered how my actions would have affected him, I could have made better choices.

But, I had ruined it. I had ruined us. And there was no going back.

Wasn’t I also fired? Searching for my phone, I expected a message saying exactly that. I didn’t have one. I wasn’t sure why. Hadn’t I called my boss a bigot in front of everyone? Wasn’t that grounds for termination even if it was true?

Whatever the reason I hadn’t yet been fired, I was sure it was a matter of time until I was. Not only did the team’s owner not want me there, but I had failed the coach. Claude was truly the best shot Poppa had at keeping his job. Rushing Claude into the workout had screwed over everyone. Now everyone was unhappy, and I was to blame.

“Shit!” I muttered in the darkness.

I didn’t know what to do. How did I get myself out of this? How did I make things right?

I didn’t leave bed that night. Instead, I thought. As the sun rose, I became acutely aware that I hadn’t eaten in days. I wouldn’t say that I had an appetite, but I was interested in not dying… barely.

Seriously, how had I gotten myself into this mess? I was at a complete loss. Was I just broken? Was I incapable of doing anything right?

With nothing in my fridge besides condiments, I did my best to pull myself together and get something to eat. There weren’t a lot of places that were open at this hour. But I did know of one place that would be soon. It was a short walk away. Maybe the fresh air would do me good.

Leaving my building, headed for the historic part of Pensacola, my mind wandered. What must it have been like to live here a hundred and fifty years ago? Could there have been a man who walked the same path, thinking the same things as I was?

Surrounded by the stone buildings and quaint stores, I found the breakfast café I had once gone to. Waiting for it to open, I thought about the last time I was here. It was months ago, after a night at my ex’s place. He had asked me if I wanted to see his favorite breakfast spot. This had been it. So whenever I saw it, I thought about,

“Merri?” A familiar voice said, turning me around.

“Jason?” I said, staring into my ex’s eyes.

Immediately pissed, Jason crossed his arms defiantly.

“I was the one who introduced you to this spot. This is my spot. I’m not leaving.”

“I’ll go,” I conceded, knowing he was right.

As I walked away, I thought about what it meant that I would run into him now. It wasn’t like he came here every day. He traveled almost as much as I did.

“Wait, can I talk to you for a second?” I asked, turning around.

He exhaled exhaustively. “What?” he snapped.

I lowered my head. “I didn’t handle things well with you.”

“No shit,” he confirmed.

“Right. And, I guess I would like to apologize for it.”

Jason looked at me, confused. “What’s going on here?”

“I’m apologizing for being a piece of shit to you; for being a piece of shit in general,” I said, with my eyes welling up.

Jason looked at me heartlessly. That lasted until he threw his head back and groaned, annoyed.

“Although I would like you to feel like a piece of shit, you’re not a piece of shit, Merri.”

“You’re saying that because you don’t know me. I ruin people’s lives. I’m a selfish asshole,” I admitted, failing to hold back my tears.

“No, you’re not.”