Page 14 of Gladiator's Bite

“How did you mean it?” Laken asked a second later.

I huffed and a ring of smoke drifted out of my nose.

“Tell me. The good, the bad, the ugly.”

“I wondered for a moment if I should want it to be the other way around instead.”

“Sometimes,” he shrugged, leaning back against the sofa. “The answer isn’t one or the other. I’m a creature of touch. Maybe I should’ve asked before I hugged you in that particular situation, but you had goosebumps, you were more nerves than I thought at first, and as much as you hate the idea of me flailing around over a needle, I didn’t like that. So, I tried to change it. I was mad at you at first. Not because I thought you thought all omegas should be demure and sweet. We’d just fought in the arena. It felt like a rejection in that moment and we’re probably going to encounter stuff like this a lot. We’re going to have a lot of uncomfortable conversations. I think that’s what should be in every self-help book for newly met mates. You are my star mate. You are my other half, but I was whole before you and you were whole before me. We’re not here to rip each other up – we’re here to be more than the sum of our own parts and that means hard conversations.”

“Yeah, you were a therapist before this,” I teased him.

“No, I grew up in a house where my grandmother was a gladiator, and my grandfather was a poet. They both worked to contain their strong emotions. Most of us aren’t natural communicators. Hell, sometimes we don’t even recognize what we feel. To be a good gladiator or poet, you learn that skill. So, I learned it through observation and put it to practice over the years.”

“What do you think I’m feeling?”

“That’s not for me to decide.”

“It wasn’t a rejection of you. It was a questioning of myself.”

“No, it was a questioning of worth and machoness and toxic masculinity. I love men. I love masculine people. I’ve been attracted to masculinity all my life but there’s a difference between what some folks perceive as being masculine and what is. Masculine means pertaining to men --- don’t quote me on that. I don’t read the dictionary,” Laken chuckled. “I consider myself very masculine. So, when you wonder if something like that takes it away from you, does it take it away from me too?”

“No,” I answered before the question even finished rolling off his tongue.

“Good because if it doesn’t take it from me – a man – it can’t take it from you,” he said.

I leaned against the back of the sofa too. He sounded too much like my philosophy professor back at Moonscale Academy. He was right, though.

“I bottomed for the first time last night.”

“Yeah, I figured,” he huffed. “Don’t know a lot of alphas who don’t get all in their heads about that when they enjoy it. That’s not exactly your friend’s fault. Well, maybe the enjoying part is. I don’t know.”

I laughed because I was there but I still couldn’t imagine myself with Teddy like that long term.

“Sometimes we have to test the waters to find out if they’re salty or not.”

“Is this salty or not?” I blinked.

“Bad metaphor on my part but sometimes you have sex with your friends to see if something more is there. If it’s not, that’s okay. I think that’s what it was for you.”

“I’m so fucking homesick,” I said aloud.

I talked about missing my family and wanting to hurry up and go home but never described it that way to anyone except Teddy.

“He’s probably emotionally mature,” Laken shrugged. “That’s why you’re comfortable around him. That’s why he came to tell you instead of sending someone else. He’ll keep what he knows of your sex life to himself. Sounds like he keeps his to himself too.”

“I don’t want to sleep with him again,” I said for the fortieth time since Laken admitted to knowing.

“I know that now. I knew that as soon as I saw your face when I said I wouldn’t mind. That wasn’t a lie. I won’t lie to you. I know life is complicated and if he was the piece of your old life you needed for your sanity we would’ve made it work, Sunny. That’s what mates do.”

“What about you?” I asked him. “Someone you’re keeping from your old life?”

“Nah,” he shook his head. “All my good friends are mated already. We’ll stay friends of course but no one we need to crack open the relationship for.”

“Good. I think I’d be bad at sharing.”

“I know. I saw the look on your face when you figured out Teddy had been hooking up in the purple district.”

“He shouldn’t have lied to me about it,” I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like I’m a prude.”