Page 28 of Goddess of Light

Fuck.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

LOVIA

Sorrow chokes the air.

Not just sorrow, but anger and grief and frustration at the utmost cruelty and helplessness of it all.

Mielikki and Nyyrikki, Goddess and God of the Forest, are gone.

Brutally murdered in cold blood.

And every single step we’ve taken is fraught with enough emotion and tension to make the trees break. They bend toward us as we hurry beneath them, bowing to their Gods, grieving the loss just like us. Everything here is connected, and the forest knows how fragile life is now in the Land of the Dead.

Nothing is safe.

Louhi’s minions will come for everyone.

And I can’t help but wrestle with my own connection to her.

She’s my mother.

I’m her daughter.

How could I come from such a wretched being?

How did she not, I don’t know, eat me the moment I was born, like a viper in a den?

Did she ever love my father?

Did she ever love me or Tuonen?

What was our purpose?

What ismypurpose?

The Magician reaches out and grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze. It instantly grounds me, pulling me out of my thoughts and lessening the weight in my chest.

I glance over at him, finding the stars and planets in his infinite face are still, exuding a certain calmness.

“The past is a prison, Loviatar,” he says quietly. “The future is an illusion. Be here now, even if it hurts. It hurts less than the hurricanes you’re creating in your mind. They can blow you off course.”

I give him a fleeting smile. “I can’t help it. I just don’t understand how…”

I glance ahead of us. Rasmus is walking slowly, but his movements are freer now since the Magician changed the mycelia so they’re only binding his hands at his back. I can tell he’s listening, but I don’t mind. Out of everyone here, he understands what I’m going through—or at least he should.

Ahead of him, Tapio and Tellervo lead the way out of the forest, broken, defeated, lost to their grief. Once we’re out of here, I will step up and take the lead. They shouldn’t have to shoulder this burden when they’re barely holding it together. I will lead all of us across the frozen void to the Star Swamp and Castle Synti. I will keep them safe.

I have to.

I don’t notice how hard I’m gripping the Magician’s hand until he gives mine a squeeze back.

“Sorry,” I mumble, trying to take my hand away.

He holds on tighter. “Nothing to be sorry about. I’m in awe of your strength, you know. Not just in a bone-crushing way, but your inner strength. You’re so much stronger than you know.”

I swallow hard as I step over a twisted root. “I don’t feel strong, but I will be, for them.” I nod up ahead at the rest of them.