Page 80 of Goddess of Light
A knife twists in my chest. I’ve lost her again to the cost of her transformation. I cradle her close, my throat tight with unshed tears.
Around us, the floodwaters recede slowly as Vellamo eases her magic. Soldiers gather, wounded and weary, as Tellervo walks away, reeling, perhaps from seeing Hanna save Torben but not Tapio. Lovia and the Magician approach, concerned, while Torben stands in silent awe of his daughter, a hint of guilt on his face as he rubs the bruises on his arms, alive only through Hanna’s intervention.
Hanna stares at me with blank eyes. I run a hand through her damp hair, the colors lighter again, forcing a smile I do not feel. “It’s all right,” I say softly, though it isn’t. “You’re safe now.”
She tries to speak, but words fail her. She looks past me, at the soldiers, at the scorched remains of battle with a look of detachment. She’s a stranger wearing my wife’s face, holding unimaginable power in fragile hands.
I hold her tighter, though she’s no longer trembling. “We’ll help you remember,” I whisper, voice thick with emotion. “You’ll come back to me again, little bird. We’ll find a way. I promise.”
She doesn’t respond; she just closes her eyes and hesitates before she rests her head against my chest. I feel her breath, shallow and uncertain but alive. Alive is something. Alive and safe for now.
Everyone looks to me, waiting for the next command. I feel their expectations, their fears, on my shoulders like a weight.
“What now, Lord Death?” General Suvari asks, looking wet and tired, swaying on his feet.
I square my shoulders and try to steady my voice.
“We move on,” I say, quiet but firm. “We’ll get Tuonen and Sarvi. We’ll restore what’s lost. We’ll protect each other.” My eyes sweep over them, seeking solidarity in their weary faces. They nod, some murmuring in agreement.
Hanna’s condition pains me, but I must be strong for her, for all of them. We must reach safer ground, regroup, maybe find shelter beyond these plains. The demon children have not appeared, and I can only hope our luck holds a bit longer. Once we find stable ground, we’ll plan our next steps.
The air smells of damp soil and lingering ozone from Hanna’s fiery magic. The sun tries to rise beyond the horizon, its pale rays reflected on shallow pools. We wade through the receding flood, carrying our wounded and collecting our fallen. The forest lies behind us, battered and violated by the Old Gods. The plains stretch before us, empty except for scorched ground and distant shapes.
Beyond that lies the Gorge of Despair.
Then, the City of Death.
But there is one place between them where we might find safe passage.
For now, we march forward, a weary band in a world gone mad, guided by the faint hope that we can still save Tuonela from the darkness seeking to consume it. I hold Hanna’s hand as we go, as if by keeping her close, I can anchor her to who she once was. She walks quietly, trusting me despite not knowing why.
That trust will have to be enough for now.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
LOVIA
“We’ll camp herefor the night,” my father announces, his voice fraught with the weight of our journey. We’ve been walking all day after the battle in the Hiisi Forest, crossing the Liekkiö Plains without much fanfare. I waited for those terrible, flaming ankle-biters to appear and swarm us, but they didn’t. I have to wonder if the Magician destroyed them all for good when we encountered them last.
Now, the last light of the sky bleeds behind thin clouds that threaten rain and snow that never comes. We’re just past the Gorge of Despair, the canyon in our wake, taking shelter on a plateau rimmed with windblown trees and brush, giving us cover while also providing an uninterrupted view of the land around us. Unless Louhi has more unicorns up her sleeve to attack us from the air, we’ll be safe here.
I pick up my tent and head into the brush, away from the rest of the camp but still close enough. I feel like keeping to myself tonight and being alone with my thoughts. From the hushed silence, I can tell everyone else feels the same way.
“Need any help?” the Magician asks me, hanging around a straggly pine.
I roll the tent out and up before I get down on my knees to stake it. “I can manage.”
“I know you can manage,” he says, “but help is being offered if you want it.”
I can’t help but laugh, even if it rings a bit hollow. “You certainly have a way about you, don’t you?”
“Is it a way that you like?” he asks.
I hammer down the last stake into the hard ground before I get up and dust my hands off. I stare into the void of his face, wondering what his deal is. “Did you really come here to help me?”
He nods, gliding across the forest floor toward me. “I did.” He stops a foot away and extends his velvety black hand, reaching out to cup my face. I briefly close my eyes at his touch, melting against his palm, cool but strong. I’ve needed this contact more than I care to admit.
“I want to understand you, Loviatar. I want to know what your heart feels like, what yoursoulfeels like. I want to know what it’s like to be more human than I am.”