Page 42 of Sinner's Malice

“You don’t have to answer that. I already know.”

“Then why ask me?”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“God gives us the ability to choose between right and wrong. You can either choose to do the right thing or choose to do wrong. The choice is yours.”

“What if I don’t have a choice?”

“Everyone has a choice. Even you.”

She was right. Father Dominic once told me the same thing. Everything in life was a choice. It was up to me to make the right choice. While I tried to live my life justly, in the eyes of God, I had at times turned a blind eye and done what I wanted, despite knowing it was wrong.

“It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.”

Now, that was the damn truth.

I don’t think I’d ever asked for permission.

Oh, I was good at giving the illusion of permission, but when it all boiled down to it, I never did. I knew how to manipulate everything and everyone to get what I wanted. Most of the time, I did what I wanted and took what I needed. I didn’t give a damn about anyone.

Now everything was all jumbled in my head. What I wanted and what I should do was all intertwined, meshed together, and I couldn’t see through the maze.

“I did something I’m not proud of. I hurt a woman I care deeply for. Someone I was supposed to protect.”

“Intentionally?”

I nodded.

“I see.”

“I was angry at her. I wanted to punish her, so I did.”

“Did you apologize?”

I shook my head.

“No. I just left.”

“Then you know what you need to do. You didn’t need me to tell you that. So why are you really here, Gideon?”

Looking over the vast horizon, I stared at the wheat fields as the wind lightly blew through them. It was mesmerizing, almost like I was sitting on a beach somewhere watching an ocean made up of golden waves. I could hear the slight whistle of the breeze while the waves moved back and forth.

“I met her.”

“Who?”

“My sister.”

Amelia looked at me but said nothing as she sat stiffly in her chair.

“She looks like me. She’s messed up like me. She is me.”

“Is she happy?”

“I think so. She seemed happy. The man she is with cares for her deeply. He is strong and very protective of her.”

“Protective or controlling?”