Page 13 of The Dawn Chorus

‘I can’t,’ I said.

My eyes overflowed again. Scion had even taken my ability to tend to my own wounds.

Warden sat down beside me. He was slow, and kept his distance.

‘May I?’

I looked at his proffered hand as if it were a red-hot iron. Straight after my rescue, I had realised how much I craved his touch. Now, like water, it was something to fear.

‘Paige,’ Warden said, ‘will you let me bind the wound if I wear gloves?’

The question cut right to my core.

I saw now what Suhail had done. Nashira must have ordered him to keep invoking Warden, to chisel away my ability to take solace in him – so that even if I did escape her, it would always hurt to be in his presence.

I could see the trap. Still I couldn’t bear for him to touch me now. Not like this. Not with gloves, either.

‘No,’ I said. ‘Warden, you know I’d never want that.’

‘Then will you trust that I am not going to touch you?’

His words sank in slowly. At last, I yielded the bandages. My heart drummed as he unravelled them.

‘Spread the fingers of your injured hand.’

I did. Blood drooled from my open vein. Warden set the gauze on top of it, then hooked one end of the bandage between my middle and forefingers.

‘Hold that in place.’

It took concentration to press my fingers together – enough to distract me from the pain. I could do this one small thing. I could hold the bandage. Warden began to wrap the rest of it around my hand, as he had once in the colony.

‘Are you in pain?’ he asked.

Even my jaw was trembling. ‘My head.’

‘Do you wish for scimorphine?’

After a moment, I gave as much of a nod as my headache allowed. Warden gently looped the bandage under my thumb. All the while, he somehow kept his word. At no point did he touch my bare skin.

I’m sorry. The words had almost reached my lips.I’m so sorry.

I almost got it out. Almost found the courage to clasp my fingers around his, the way I might have done in the past. Before I could try, he guided my neatly dressed hand to the covers.

‘You should eat something, Paige,’ he said. ‘You might feel stronger.’

‘Tomorrow.’ My eyes drifted shut. ‘I just want to not … hurt. Just for a little while.’

Even though the hunger was still in me, its bite was softer now. I hadn’t exerted myself as much in days as I just had trying to throw that pillow. I wanted to say more, to explain, but the bed was beginning to swallow me.

The small weight of his hand left mine. And even though I feared his touch, I wanted it back now.

‘Warden,’ I started, but sleep chose that moment to snatch me away.

PENAL COLONY OF SHEOL I

8AUGUST2059

Light leaked into the Rookery where time had strained its walls apart. Liss kept her shack draped with swathes of cloth she had bargained for and scavenged, but sometimes she would uncover the hole in the roof to let the sun inside. It was snug enough that you could almost forget it sat at the heart of a prison.