Page 11 of Hurry Up And Wait
“It is not. It’s the exact opposite of what you said.”
“It’s the same fucking thing!”
“How can he be a fool for doing something, but not be a fool for doing something?”
“Do you even fucking hear yourself? None of that makes sense!”
“You don’t make sense!”
I slipped my earbuds in and cranked up the volume on my phone to drown out the inane commentary behind me. They were both wrong. None of it made sense, and the last thing I wanted to do was get involved in any way. Hell, everyone at the company was beginning to sound like Dash and Fox when they were arguing.
I glanced to my right as a truck slowed beside me. FNG was grinning at me, then lowered his sunglasses. “Hey, baby. Need a lift?”
“Don’t fucking talk to me like you’re my sugar daddy.”
“Fine, I’ll leave you with those two.”
“Wait!” I said as he revved the engine. I ran around the front and jumped in just as the guys gave chase. I spun in my seat and gave themiddle finger salute as they tried and failed to jump into the bed of the truck just as FNG hit the gas.
I chuckled as I turned around in my seat, grateful the bastard had picked me up, even if he was a little crazy. “So, where are we headed?”
“To pick up a new umbrella.”
I glared at him. “Seriously?”
“Seriously, that’s where I’m going. My last umbrella was torn to shreds in the last fight. I’m thinking of designing my own. Maybe a tactical umbrella with all the bells and whistles.”
I frowned at him. “And what exactly does an umbrella with all the bells and whistles look like?”
He looked at me with a sly grin. “I’m glad you asked. I’ve been working on this idea of an umbrella where all you do is press a button and it pops open.”
“Don’t they already have that?” I was no umbrella expert, but I was pretty sure someone had invented that long ago.
“No, they have an umbrella where you push the little metal piece and slide it up. That’s not the same thing.”
“It sort of is,” I countered.
“It’s not at all. Mine automatically pops into place.”
“Yeah, they have those.”
“No, but you have to manually close those. Mine isn’t like that.”
I rolled my eyes. “But basically, it’s just an umbrella.”
He shook his head, his eyes gleaming with excitement. Get this. An umbrella that’s not just an umbrella. It has knives.”
I nodded slowly. This guy was crazy. “And where are those knives hidden?”
“Well, they would fly out when you pop it open. They’d be in the metal pieces that hold the umbrella open.”
“So, you’re just opening it and hoping the knives fly at whoever you want killed—and not, say, your teammates who would be with you.”
“Like I said, it’s not perfected yet,” he grumbled. “It was just an idea. Like that spy who killed someone by injecting them with poison using the tip of an umbrella. I’m the next generation of umbrella killers.”
“I can see it now,” I chuckled. “The umbrella killer is on the loose in Kansas. Lock up your children!”
“Alright, alright. Laugh now, but you know it’s a fucking brilliant idea. The umbrella is the most inconspicuous killing machine out there. And it’s not just for carrying around on a rainy day. It’s a fashion statement, too.”