Page 81 of Burning for You
Caro
I step out of the shower groggily. I have to sober up soon, or the lion I’m going to face will sense this lioness has been up to something that will threaten his existence.
Levi caresses my cheeks, down to my neck and then shoulders, distracting me from getting dressed. His touch is abundant, just like what I dream my man will have.
He holds me close, repeating what he said in the shower. “Let’s think of another way.”
“I’m close to getting what we need, Levi. I just have to convince Josh everything is okay between me and him. And more importantly, I need his laptop.”
“Let Barnesy deal with Josh’s laptop.”
“I need to deal with it.”
“Okay. Just be careful then, and hurry back,” he says. “You can do this.”
My resolve strengthens upon hearing that from Levi. I’m doing it for the Holts, and for my own survival.
With great reluctance, I crawl out of the swathing blanket of safety, and in place I wear my travel-weary-businesswoman look for Josh. Making believe and acting like I’m just that, I head for Manhattan.
Every fiber within my body yanks me backward, warning me to go the other way, but I keep going until I stand at the door to my townhouse, the place I saved up for and paid myself, a symbol of what I’m made of. But with Josh in it, it doesn’t feel like mine anymore.
“Carolyn!” Josh says. “Are you crazy?” Then he hugs and kisses me.
I whisper, “I’m sorry. I…”
“I was worried sick!”
“I know. I just needed time for myself. Didn’t Lee or Armstrong tell you?”
“Lee said you were with a friend at Bozeman Hospital.”
I nod.
“Caro, you should’ve told me what was going on. Not my business acquaintances!”
“I had a flare-up,” I say sharply.
“Flare-up? What do you mean?”
I place my hand on my pelvis.
“Oh… I’m… Caro, I’m so sorry.”
“You told me I was better off with those injuries.” I remind Josh of our last conversation here, where he accused me of having uncontrollable libido.
“Caro, you know I didn’t mean it.”
“I know, but I couldn’t help thinking about it. I felt so ashamed, I didn’t want you to know. Told myself it was my curse. When I arrived in Bozeman, I decided to spend an afternoon outside the city to calm myself. I went too far, and by then my pain was enormous. Someone helped me and took me to the hospital.”
“Lee said—”
“That I was there for my rescuer’s brother?” My chest is shaken with nervousness. It turns out, selling a lie is harder than I thought. “Josh, I didn’t even tell you what was going on. Do you think I’d tell your business acquaintances the truth?”
“I’m sorry, Caro.” He kneels in front of me. “I’m glad you’re back. Come to bed with me.”
Out of any night, ironically Josh is trying to hold me now. Two kinds of fire are burning inside me—a fire to fight off Josh, and a fire that flames my pining for Levi.
I’m lying next to a man who is betraying me, the one who feels like a transaction—as Bear rightly pointed out—after being intensely connected to another whom I truly long for. And the last time I was with that man, he gave me everything to make me feel safe. How do I deal with this situation? I feel like a fraud, a malefactor, and a whore.