Page 7 of Christmas Souls
"Yup." She says with a mouthful of cupcake.
These are some of the moments I've missed. Being able to make her happy, to make her smile and do that butt wiggle. I realize I still want this woman with all of my heart. The thought makes a chill go through me. Mandy has changed during all those years we were apart. I've seen it in how she handles herself and others.
I don't think I would survive being rejected by this woman again.
We eat in amicable silence, but my heart tries to override my brain. I'm not letting that happen anytime soon. I do want to get to know her better once again. It's just something that pulls at me from the inside, and I can't help it.
"Wanna go with me to see the tiles I've chosen for the kitchen?" I ask her.
"Definitely! I trust you, though. I went through the catalog of projects Danny sent me, and I was very impressed by your work. Oh, can we have lunch at that Venezuelan place that opened up near the park?"
"Certainly. I've been dying to try it."
We have fun playing interior decorator at the tile store. I'm secure in my skills, but you never know what a client might want that differs from your own vision. So I share mine with her and she seems intrigued by the choices I give her.
"I really shouldn't get attached. After all, I'm selling the place."
"Right, so you can go back to being an actress."
"I…"
"I know that's your dream. Are you okay with taking this time for renovating or do you have something waiting for you in New York?"
"New York is not as magical as I once thought it was. There's nothing waiting for me back there."
Her sad demeanor makes me want to take her into my arms and wipe all her worries away with a scorching kiss. I keep myself from unleashing all the love I have inside for her. She'll sell, and she'll leave. That’s the bottom line. I can't let my heart get entangled with hers.
"What's it like? The auditions, the callbacks? Were you excited? Scared?"
"Do you really want to know, or are you just making small talk?"
I look at her beautiful face, her blonde locks and shining blue eyes. With Mandy Schmidt, I can only be completely honest.
"A little bit of both. I've missed how easy it always was between us, Mandy. I've missed you."
She lowers her head and I see frown lines appear on her forehead. I want to erase those lines with my fingers, but I'm scared of touching her. That would cross a line I don't think I can come back from. I'd want to keep touching her until I make her mine once again. So I need to be careful.
"At first, it was exciting. So many parts, the endless possibilities. There were so many of us, though, and some of the other girls were mean-spirited. That is to say, they were so hungry for a career in the theater that they could be ruthless. I hated that part most of all. I mean, shouldn't we help each other instead?"
"I'm sorry to hear that. Did you make any friends at all?"
"A couple, but in the end, it was everyone for themselves. I couldn't trust them."
"I wouldn't have lasted six months there, let alone five years. You're so strong. I've always admired that about you."
The frown is back, and I see tears threaten to fall from the corner of her eyes.
"I'm not strong, Michael. Not one bit. I'm a failure and…"
She bursts into tears, and I do the only thing I can do. I gather her in my arms and hold her tight. She lets go and lets out anguished cries. I'm almost scared to know what happened to her in the city. She seems so broken, not at all the woman I knew from before. Finally, she calms down enough to be able to talk.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry. What you must think of me."
I hand her a handkerchief, and she cleans away her tears. Her face is as beautiful as always, and all I want is to console her, but I'm not sure what the right words are at this moment. We walk over to where there's a bench, and we sit down beside each other. It's cold out, but we're both bundled up.
My arm goes behind her and I pull her close to me once more. Mandy sighs and relaxes into my embrace.
"There's so much I want to tell you, Michael, but I can't."