Page 11 of Broken Saint

But it was never for me.

Bile churns in my stomach.

Does that make me just as narcissistic as him?

I knew what he was doing, how he was hurting me, and I just allowed it to happen.

I accepted his behavior because, in a way, I felt safe.

Ripping my eyes from those ugly scars, I take in everything else.

My breasts are larger, my waist less defined. My stomach has a pooch that I’d previously managed to banish with hours ofyoga and crunches. My hips are wider, covered in cellulite and stretch marks.

I’m no longer the girl the guys used to know. But it’s not just my body. When I look into my eyes, it’s like I’m an entirely different person.

The lightness, my spark, it’s gone. Diminished.

I want to blame him for it. But that would be too easy.

He might have been the instigator, but I’m the one who willingly went along for the ride.

I let him belittle me, make me feel less than I am, and fuel my own hatred for my body. Feeding my insecurities and the illness I’ve battled for most of my life.

All because he’d follow it all up with something sweet. Something that reminded me how amazing he could be.

Swallowing down my emotion, I square my shoulders and hold my head higher.

Yes, I’m curvier than I’ve ever been, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. There are millions of beautiful women out there who have an ass and a few stretch marks on their thighs. Why can’t I be like them?

Confidence, Ella. You need to rediscover your confidence.

Holding my eyes in the mirror, I make myself a silent promise.

This doesn’t need to be the end of something, but the beginning.

I’ve been to Hell and back in the last couple of years.

It’s time to take hold of my life and turn it into one I want to live, not just one I barely exist in.

You can do this, Ella.

Go to Seattle, see your family, take stock of your life and…face him.

Head-on.

No holds barred.

This is who you are now. Own it and rediscover your fire.

Easy, right?

3

COLTON

The noise of the hotel bar around me fades out as I watch a woman practically glide across the room.

Her blonde hair is sleek, straight down her back, stopping just before her ass, which is covered in a sexy black dress that sits high on her thighs.