Page 174 of Broken Saint
She sits me on the closed toilet seat before running the bath and pouring an obscene amount of bubbles into it. It’s unlike her to be so wasteful that I can’t help but do a double take.
“Sometimes, you just need all the bubbles,” she explains. “Now, can you do this alone or…” She looks between me and the tub.
As much as I want to demand she stay and help me, I force a smile onto my lips and tell her that I’m fine.
I can’t remember the last time I ate, and I’m terrified she’ll see exactly what I’m doing if I’ve lost so much as an inch of weight.
When I first started on this dark journey as a teenager, I did an incredible job of hiding what I was doing. It’s something she’s beat herself up about every single day since, and the thought of hurting her, of disappointing her by relapsing, terrifies me. She deserves better than that. She’s a better mother than to have a daughter who can’t cope when things get hard.
“I’m going to order your favorites from room service. Take your time and call me if you need me, okay?”
I nod, and she takes my face in her hands.
“Everything will be okay, Ella. Have faith, yeah?”
Her eyes search mine. I have no idea what she finds staring back at her, but it’s good enough for her to leave me alone a few minutes later, trusting that I’ll be okay.
Two hours.
I allow myself two hours before I walk back into his hospital room again and refuse to leave until I get to look into his eyes.
45
ELLA
Ican’t deny it, having Mom here in Seattle with me helped. As much as I hated having her eyes on me almost 24/7, I needed it.
Letty and Peyton might know about my struggles in the past, but they don’t know what signs to look for when I’m slipping. Mom, though, knows everything.
“Come on, Ella. We’re hitting up the cafe,” Mom says after knocking on Colt’s door and poking her head inside.
“But they’ve already started reducing his sedation,” I argue.
“I know, sweetheart. But they also said it could be days before you see any evidence of him waking up. Days in which you need to eat,” she says sternly.
“She’s right,” West agrees. “In fact,” he says pushing to his feet. “I’ll come.”
“But Colt?” I ask in horror. “We can’t leave?—”
The door opens behind Mom and Luca and Kane join us.
“Afternoon,” Luca greets. “Anything yet?”
West shakes his head. “Fucker is going to make us wait, that’s for sure.”
Mom gives West a stern glare but doesn’t say anything about his language. She gave up after spending a few hours with theguys when she first got here. I think she’s learned that her energy is best spent elsewhere.
“Wouldn’t expect anything else,” Kane says, claiming my seat while Luca takes West’s.
“Bring us back coffee, yeah?” Luca asks.
“Of course,” Mom agrees, looking between the two of them as if they’re her own.
I guess, in a way, they are. We’re all family now.
As much as I hate this whole situation, having Mom here and finally letting her experience how amazing my friends are has proved her right about me staying here.
She treats each one of my friends as if they’re as important to her as me or Benny, and I love her so much for it.