Page 186 of Broken Saint

Colt might not have been there in person, but his spirit was very much alive. The players all had special patches on their jerseys; his number was lit up on every screen, and fans had banners of support. The Saints weren’t the only team to have shown their support, either. All around the country, there has been so much love and support shown toward Colt. It’scompletely overwhelming to see how much the man I love touches the lives of others.

Everyone is rooting for him. Everyone is behind him, praying for a successful recovery. I just can’t help feeling that the only person who isn’t rooting for him, is him.

He watched half the game last night before he closed his eyes and feigned sleep.

I’d offered to turn it off when I saw that he was struggling to watch the team he’s given his everything to be forced to play without him. But he refused.

He wanted it on.

I’d hoped it would help. Seeing his teammates and the love of the fans. But I fear it had the opposite effect.

He didn’t see the game and feel hope. All he felt was everything he’s lost.

Everything he’s ever wanted.

His dream crumpled to the ground right alongside him.

He hasn’t been told he can’t play again, but equally, no one has promised him a full recovery and return to the field.

He’s lost in a world of unknowns right now. It’s why I’m sitting right here. While everything else is spinning out of control, I want to be the one thing that he doesn’t need to worry about.

I want to be his rock.

I want to be his everything.

48

COLTON

Istare at the back of the hospital door, wishing that I could get up and walk through it.

I should be able to. I should be able to get to my feet and just walk out. It’s what my body should do. But it can’t.

I’m weak.

Weaker than I’ve ever been in my life. I hate it.

But there is fuck all I can do about it.

The silence is deafening.

It’s my own fault. I told Angie to take Ella down to the cafe for lunch half an hour ago. I couldn’t cope with the look in her eyes any longer.

She wants to help; I know she does. But I fear at this point, it might be impossible.

Right now, I can’t even walk. What fucking good am I to anyone?

As the seconds tick by, the threatening darkness edges that much closer.

When I warned her about what a life with me could be like, I wasn’t expecting to have to endure it quite so soon.

I let out a sigh as I sink deeper into the pillow propping me up.

Closing my eyes, I give in and let the monsters win. Just for a few minutes, I embrace the darkness.

It’s like welcoming home a long-lost friend.

Equally as familiar as it is unknown.