Page 194 of Broken Saint
“You’re both going to get through this. Together,” she promises.
I smile weakly at my best friend, wishing I felt even an ounce of the optimism she does.
“Go and shower, then I’m going to take you for the best waffles in the state.” At the mention of waffles, Kyan lifts his head up, his eyes almost as wide as his smile.
“Sweet boy,” I muse, pressing a kiss to the top of his head as I shuffle around the bed to do as I’m told.
The last thing I want to do is go out, but if it’ll ultimately lead me to Colt, then I can’t really argue.
I shower with my eyes locked on the tiles beneath my feet. I know that if I look up, I’ll find a mirror, and I have no interest in the reflection that will stare back at me.
It’ll be a harrowing sight for several different reasons.
I should look. Seeing the reality might help shift something within me and help me to see what everyone else does.
With one towel wrapped around my body and another around my head, I step up to the sink.
I need to wash my face, and that means…
Sucking in a deep breath, I give myself a moment before I lift my eyes.
My breath catches as my pale complexion and dark-ringed eyes appear in front of me.
I’m a mess.
My eyes are bloodshot and puffy from all the crying, my skin has a gray hue to it, and my cheekbones look a little hollow.
I glance down at the towel covering me and my fingers twitch to pull it free, but I can’t do it. I already know that I’ll despise what I find.
Focusing on the task at hand, I wash my face and then put my back to the mirror to pull some clothes on.
By the time I step out of the bathroom, I might appear to be put together on the outside, but on the inside, I’m falling apart piece by piece.
The bedroom is empty, but I soon hear familiar voices floating through from the living area.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Mom says softly. “You look lovely.”
“E-uh,” Kyan says before racing over on his hands and knees, abandoning his cars behind him.
“Hi, my sweet boy,” I say, lifting him in my arms and turning my focus on him so I don’t have to see the way Mom and Letty assess me.
I don’t want them to see how weak I truly am, but I know it’s impossible to hide it. They both know me too well.
“Ready to go?” Letty asks.
“Yep,” I agree reluctantly.
“I invited myself. I hope that’s okay,” Mom says.
“Of course,” I agree. Despite everything, I love having everyone important to me in the same place, getting to know each other properly for the first time in years.
As promised, Letty takes us to a waffle house on the outskirts of the city. It puts me on edge that we’re getting farther away from Colt, and knowing that I’m going to have little choice but to eat, only makes it worse.
We have a nice morning. Watching Letty and Mom laugh and enjoy each other’s company means so much to me. But it’s nowhere near enough to banish the pain radiating from my chest or the loss that leaves me feeling nothing but empty.
He should be here.
Colt should be the one laughing with Mom as she tells him all the embarrassing stories from my childhood.