Page 201 of Broken Saint
It’s too much. Everything is just too fucking much.
I’ve barely gotten comfortable when there’s a knock at the door.
“Fuck off,” I mutter under my breath.
I’d hoped that discharging myself and coming here would give me peace. Sure, I agreed to continue with my PT sessions and regular checkups to ensure everything is okay, but I thought…fuck. It doesn’t matter what I fucking thought. All I know is that it isn’t any better here. Everything is still beyond fucked up.
And she isn’t here…
When I don’t move fast enough, whoever is at the door gets bored and pushes it open.
“Colt?” a familiar voice bellows.
I wince, both at the volume and the concern within it.
After stashing the bottle behind a cushion—for all the good it’ll do—I respond unenthusiastically.
The door slams closed and heavy footsteps move my way.
Each pound against the wooden floor rocks through me.
I know he’s going to rip me a new one.
I know exactly what I’ve done and how pissed everyone is going to be. But I stand by my decisions.
I’m doing what’s right for Ella.
Luca looks larger than life as he steps into the doorway. But more than that, he’s angry. Really fucking angry.
I swallow anxiously, waiting for him to unleash on me.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he bellows loudly enough to dislodge the thick layer of dust covering every surface around us.
“Luc,” I start, although really, I’ve no idea what I’m going to say.
He can see exactly what I’m doing. He’s not stupid. He knows. And he’s fucking livid.
“No,” he barks, storming closer. “Don’t even think about spilling some bullshit about doing this for her,” he says, throwing his hand out behind him as if she’s waiting on the other side of the door. “You’re being a selfish fucking cunt, and you know it.”
I hold his stare, hard and unwavering.
“Do I?” I sneer. “What I know is that I’d be ruining her fucking life if I kept her here.”
“How do you know that?”
“Look at me,” I say, throwing my arms out from my sides. “I’m fucking broken, Luca. I always have been.”
“Oh, come off it. That’s bullshit and you know it.”
“No. What I know is that I’ve been fighting my entire fucking life. Desperate not to fall into the inevitable darkness. Fighting to have a normal life. But just when I think I’m going to do it, that maybe, just maybe that I’m not destined to succumb tothe fucked-up DNA running through my veins, everything goes fucking bang.”
“This isn’t the end, Colt. It’s just a blip.”
“A blip?” I balk. “I almost died on the field in front of you. In front of her. In front of fucking everyone.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t. And instead of fighting, you’re sitting here letting yourself fall into an episode while drowning yourself in alcohol.”
My breath catches, shocked that he knows.