Page 215 of Broken Saint
Tears burn my eyes and make my nose itch.
I don’t want to cry. Not again.
What I want to do is move on. I want to hold my head up high and move on with my life as if my entire world hasn’t just cracked and crumbled beneath my feet.
But I’m not strong enough.
Not even close.
I sniffle, lifting my hand to wipe the tear that drops.
“You should be,” I mutter under my breath. “I’ve screwed everything up. I’ve got nothing. No job, no life, no?—”
“You’re looking at it the wrong way,” Mom argues. “Right now you have the most important thing in the world…” I glance at her with a raised brow as she pauses, I assume to build the tension. “You have opportunities. Yes, I won’t argue that you’re not at rock bottom right now. But all that means is that the only way is up.”
I can’t lie, her words do stir the tiniest bit of excitement within me. It’s so small I barely feel it. But it’s there, I know it is.
“The only real question you need to be asking yourself right now is, ‘What do I want?’”
Him. I want him.
I slam my lips shut, refusing to let the truth spill free.
Mom knows, though. She always does.
“The world is your lobster,” she says with a smile. Images of the countless hours the two of us spent watchingFriendswhen I was younger fill my mind and tears threaten once more. “Put yourself out there and go for the job you really want, wherever it might take you. Texas is only one very small part of this world, Ella. You’re destined for so much more than this place can offer. Go after it.”
“B-but?—”
She shoots me a sideways glance, her eyes narrowed in warning. “Don’t you dare make an excuse that involves me, young lady. I may be getting older, but I’m not incapable. Plus,your father wouldn’t want you here babysitting me. He’d want you out there, chasing your dreams as well.”
The mention of Dad is the final straw, and the tears I’m desperately trying to fight break free.
Mom reaches over and squeezes my hand.
“You know I’m right, sweetie. I also know that it seems impossible right now, but you’ll figure it out. I’m here for anything you could possibly need. Benny too. And those incredible friends of yours.”
I suck in a shaky breath, thinking of how amazing it was to spend time with Letty, Peyton, and Macie again.
I want that.
Maybe Seattle wasn’t in my future like I thought it might be only a few weeks ago, but I don’t want to go as long as we have without spending time together.
If my time in Seattle taught me anything, it’s that I don’t need to hide from my friends—my family.
Guilt twists up my stomach as I consider how many messages and voice mails I’m likely to have from them on my cell.
Long before I’m ready, Mom is pulling into the parking lot and finding a space.
She kills the engine but doesn’t make a move to get out. Instead, she turns to look at me.
Her eyes are soft and glassy, her own tears shining in the bright Texas sun.
“I love you, Ella. Everything is going to work out.”
And with that, she throws her door open and climbs out, giving me little choice but to pull my head out of my ass and do the same.
The second I’m on my feet, I swear the asphalt beneath my feet shifts and I have to reach out for the car to steady myself.