Page 222 of Broken Saint

“Or at least I will be,” I add.

“I know. You’re a fighter, Ell-Bell. Meet you inside, I’m going to grab the groceries,” he says before darting around me to get the bags before Mom does.

I watch him go to her with my chest tight and full of love for my little family.

Dad will always be a huge missing piece of our world, but what we have is still epic.

“Go on then,” Benny instructs as he moves toward me, his arms loaded with bags.

Rolling my eyes at his demanding ways, I spin around and walk toward the house, but I must move too fast because my head begins to swim, the world around me blurring.

I manage to keep it together until I step into the house. My knee buckles and I reach out for the doorframe to stop me from going down.

There’s a crash behind me before hands land on my upper arms.

“Are you okay?” Benny asks, his voice panicked.

“Y-yeah,” I say weakly, squeezing my eyes closed in the hope of banishing the shame.

I did this to myself. And if I don’t do anything about it, I’m going to continue down this path, hurting those I love.

“No, you’re not. You need to call your doctor.”

“Benny,” I warn.

“No. I’m not Mom. I’m not pussy footing around this. You’re ill. You need to see professionals. I’m not letting you do this to yourself again.”

I hang my head.

“I’m going to fix it.”

“Damn right you are,” he says firmly.

Abandoning the discarded groceries, Benny helps me into the house and places me on a chair in the kitchen, allowing me to watch him retrieve the bags while Mom places a plate of cookies in front of me.

I reach for one knowing that I have to, but that doesn’t stop them from tasting like cardboard.

I feel guilty as hell just watching them, but my body doesn’t allow much more.

I can’t say that I feel all that much better after the rest, but I do feel a little more hopeful while I’m surrounded by my family.

Watching Chad run from a meek and mild innocent middle-aged woman sure helped. The sugar rush from the sports drink also might have had some kind of effect.

With Mom cooking up a storm for me in the kitchen and Benny distracted with something on his cell, I sit cross-legged in the middle of my bed and stare down at my charging cell.

I promised myself earlier that I would reach out to my family, and I need to follow through.

My hand trembles as I press my thumb against the button on the side.

It takes a second, but the moment it lights up, my heart summersaults in my chest.

Am I ready for this?

Before I have a chance to second-guess it, my home screen appears and then only a second later, the notifications begin.

Letty. Kane. Peyton. Luca. Macie. Leon. West. Brax.

With every name I see, the more emotional I get.