Page 234 of Broken Saint
“I hate seeing my girl like this. This disease is…cruel. So damn cruel.”
“I’m sorry,” I blurt.
Dragging her eyes from Ella, Angie studies me.
“This is something that’s always going to be a part of Ella’s life. There’s always a risk that something will get too much and she’ll fall back into old habits.”
“I know,” I say quietly. “Trust me, I know how mental health issues never really leave. They just…go quiet,” I confess.
Angie continues to watch me with concerned eyes, and before I know what I’m doing, words I was not expecting start falling from my lips.
“My mom,” I start. “She’s…she’s bipolar.”
Angie’s gasp is impossible to miss, but she doesn’t say a word, and the understanding on her face never falters.
“So am I,” I confess. “And my biggest fear is hurting those who love me in the same way Mom has us over the years.
“She never meant to. She loves us; I know she does. But her illness…it’s taken her from us, and—” I suck in a shaky breath. “I don’t want anyone to experience anything similar to that.”
I don’t realize she’s moved until her warmth and arms wrap around me.
“Oh, Colt. You can’t stop your own happiness because of the past,” she assures me softly.
“She ripped our dad apart. I tried to protect West from as much of it as possible, but?—”
“It’s not your job to try and protect everyone around you from something that might never happen. If we all did that, we’d never do anything.
“Look what you’ve achieved, Colt. Look at the life you’ve created for yourself. Look at the success you’ve had. Who says you can’t add a lasting and meaningful relationship, a family, to that?”
I don’t say anything as my heart slams against my chest.
“I know it’s the scariest part of everything you’ve done, but don’t you think that maybe it could be the most rewarding?”
“I do. I just…what if I fuck it up again?”
“And what if you don’t?” she counters without missing a beat.
Stepping away from me, she retakes her seat on the other side of the bed.
“Ella doesn’t want perfect, Colt. She thrives on challenge and always has. She doesn’t care if something seems hard, impossible even.She made a decision about you years ago, and my daughter is far too stubborn to change her mind.I know how you feel about her, Colt. I can see it in your eyes every time you look at her.”
She smiles softly, her eyes glassy with emotion.
“But before I can give you any kind of blessing to try and make this right with her, I need assurances from you that you’re in it for the long haul this time. I can’t risk something like this happening again. She’s strong, but even the strongest have their limits.”
I hang my head, letting her words settle in my mind before I look up at Ella.
Every part of me aches, but nowhere hurts as much as my heart at the thought of telling Angie that I can’t do this.
I want to do this.
I want to be the person that Ella needs to stand beside her while she fights her battles.
Hell, I want her to be the one standing beside me as I fight mine.
“I’m not going anywhere. Ella is my life—always has been. I’d walk away from everything if it meant I could be with her for the rest of my days.”
Lifting her hand, she wipes a tear that breaks free.