Page 240 of Broken Saint
“I know how that feels,” I mutter, my tears picking up pace once again as I remember the moment he didn’t get back up onthe football field. Those were hands down the worst minutes of my life.
Fuck everything else I’ve been through. The fear I felt watching that scene play out was something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
“I need you, Bombshell. And I know I should have figured it out before, but everything that scared me paled in comparison to losing you.
“I can’t promise that I’ll be perfect. Hell, I know I won’t be. I’m going to get scared. I’m going to want to push you away and hide, but I promise—” He swallows nervously. “I fucking promise you that I’m not going to do it. There is nothing scarier in this world than living in it without you.’
“Colt,” I sob, clinging to him tighter, both loving and hating the way his big body trembles beneath mine. “I love you.”
“Shit. I don’t deserve you,” he curses. “But you’re going to have to put up with me now, because this is it.”
I’m still sobbing on his chest when the nurse pokes her head into the room.
“How are you feeling?” she asks when she realizes that I’m awake.
“Okay. Tired.” I think for a moment before confessing, “Hungry.”
“I can grab you some food if you’re feeling up to it,” she explains, but before I can agree, she adds, “Would you like to get your ultrasound first?”
I still.
Seeing whatever is happening in my stomach right now on a screen in black and white is going to make all of this feel very real.
Finally, I pull my head from Colt’s chest and look up at him for the first time since I woke from my nap.
He looks wrecked. The shadows under his eyes are so dark they look like bruises, and the frown lines in his forehead are so deep I can’t help but wonder if they’ll ever soften again. But despite that, he has this incredible little smile playing on his lips. Others probably wouldn’t notice it. But I do, and it hits me right in the chest.
“Do you want to?—”
“Yes,” he blurts before I get a chance to finish.
“Okay,” I say, shifting on the bed so I can stop resting on him.
“Fantastic,” the nurse says with a smile before opening the door wider and allowing another woman to enter, pulling a cart behind her. “I was hoping you were going to say that.”
Colt slips from my bed, although I never lose his touch, and the two of us watch in silence as the woman who introduces herself as Jessica sets up her machine.
Before I know what’s happening, I’m being asked to pull my hospital gown up over my stomach.
“Okay, this gel has already been warmed,” Jessica says softly before squirting it on me. “Let’s see what’s going on here, then.”
She presses the wand to my abdomen, her eyes locked on the screen before her.
My heart pounds, and the only thing I can hear is my erratic breathing as I wait to discover what she can see. She hasn’t turned the screen around—I can only assume it’s in case what it shows isn’t good news—so I’m left with nothing but her facial expressions to read in an attempt to understand what’s happening.
It feels like hours pass as she moves the wand around, before she finally speaks.
“Okay, so…” She pauses as she turns the screen around, and the second my eyes land on it, I can see exactly what is going on.
“That’s a baby,” I blurt in disbelief. “I can see it.”
Colt’s grip on my hand tightens, his own breathing labored as he stares at the screen, his eyes wide with fascination.
“Oh my god,” he breathes. “I can see it too. That’s…fuck. That’s crazy.”
“Is everything okay?” I ask, terrified that I’ve messed everything up already.
“Everything looks great. Baby is measuring exactly eight weeks.”