Page 87 of Broken Saint
“I’m not the man she thinks I am.”
“And what kind of man do you believe she thinks you to be?”
I sigh, slumping down on the couch and letting my head fall back.
“A good one. A reliable one. A…a strong one.”
“Colton,” Cassie sighs, her therapist hat slipping for a moment as her empathy shines through. “The illness you’re dealing with doesn’t mean you can’t be any of those things. Yes, you might have to work a little harder at times than others, but you are a good man, Colt. Week in, week out, your teammates rely on you. Allowing a girl—your girl—to rely on you isn’t much different. And as for strong, well, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone with your determination and tenacity. You?—”
“I can be replaced here. I can’t at home.”
“Who says you’ll need replacing? History doesn’t always repeat itself. And your illness is yours. There is no reason for it to follow the same path as?—”
“I know. I do know that,” I say, cutting her off. “But I also know there is a chance it can. What if something happens and I spiral? I can’t do that to her. She deserves so much more.”
“Don’t you think that’s for her to decide?”
I humph in response.
“Do you want a future with her in it, Colton?”
I don’t respond, but she must be able to see the answer in my eyes.
“You need to be honest with her. Your illness is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s nothing to hide from. Let her see who you really are. Let her support you if, and when, the bad times come. Something tells me that she can more than handle it. I may not have met her, but I think your girl might just be as formidable as you.”
“You have no idea,” I mutter.
“Then trust her, Colt. If she feels about you the way you feel about her, then she might just surprise you.”
Iwas hoping a visit to Cassie might give me some clarity, but since the moment I walked out of her office, everything is as much a mess in my head as it was when I walked inside.
Everything she said sounded so easy. Just tell Ella everything and allow her to really get to know me. Yeah, or watch her run in the opposite direction as fast as she can.
What she thinks she’s getting with me and what she’s really going to get stuck with if we embark on this are two very different things.
After leaving the facility, I drive around the city for the longest time, lost in my head, in my dreams of a future I’m not sure is possible for me. For us.
When I eventually pull into the underground parking lot beneath my apartment building and make my way up to the penthouse, the sun is beginning to set and my time is running out to get ready for our date.
Me. Colton Rogers going on an actual date.
I shake my head in disbelief.
It’s Ella, asshole. You’d give her the fucking world if you had the power. Why are you so surprised?
I haven’t heard anything from Ella since I left her at Kane and Letty’s earlier, so I can only assume that she’s followed orders and will be ready for a night out like she deserves.
Marching through my apartment, I abandon my empty drink cup in the kitchen with the intention of heading straight for the shower to get ready. But the second I step into my bedroom, my steps falter.
My bed is a mess, the sheets all twisted up. Both of the pillows have head dents in them, something that I have never seen here. This apartment is mine, and mine alone. The only other people who’ve been here are Kane and Luca. I even refused a housewarming with the rest of the guys when I first moved in. It’s not a home. It’s a house. Somewhere for me to be when I’m not at the facility working. There’s nothing here worth celebrating…
Until now.
Something poking out from the corner of the bed catches my eye and I stalk over, bending down to swipe it up.
My blood heats and my cock jerks as the softness of her panties threads through my fingers.
Fuck, last night was everything.