Page 67 of Cash
I want to fight Cash on what he’s telling me. Call him out for lying. But if I’m being honest, this sounds like somethingMom would do. Maybe to protect me? To stick it to Dad one final time?
Whatever her reasons, it was a shithead move on Mom’s part. She hurt these people. I see that now, because Cash’s Adam’s apple bobs on a hard swallow.
“That must’ve truly sucked for y’all,” I manage. “I’m really sorry, Cash. I wondered why no one from the ranch came. Mom said she sent word to Dad’s friends, but…”
He lifts a shoulder. “We did our own thing here. Little ceremony, nothing fancy. But I think everyone needed a sense of closure, so I put something together.”
Always a leader.
Always thoughtful.
The lump in my throat is the size of the moon. “How are you not angrier about this?”
“I am angry.” He glances out his window. “Really fucking angry, Mollie. But at some point, I gotta let it go, or it’ll eat me alive.”
I feel that.
God, do I feel that.
“I’m angry too. At myself, mostly.”
That gets his attention. He glances at me with thislookin his eyes—softness, pain, all of it raw and real—that makes my stomach dip. “Why’s that?”
I look down at my lap while I pick at a loose thread in my skirt. “I should’ve known Mom was up to something. I feel like I should’ve—I don’t know—followed up or double-checked the guest list or something.”
“You didn’t know, Mollie.”
“I think part of me did, though.” My turn to swallow. “Mom never had nice things to say about Dad. And I’m sure you noticed, but my father and I didn’t exactly get along. I think…maybe I was so angry at everyone, myself included, that I let shit slide. I’m sad Dad is gone. But I was—am—mostly angry.”
That’s one hell of a confession.
A pause.
Then, Cash says, “I had a therapist tell me once that for some people, sadness manifests as anger.”
I laugh, if only so I don’t burst into tears. “You’ve been to therapy?”
“Of course I’ve been to therapy. Why do you think I’m such a charming, well-adjusted beacon of contentment and emotional maturity?”
I laugh again, this time for real. “You’re full of surprises, I’ll say that much.”
“Can I ask what happened?” Cash does that thing where he adjusts his hand on the wheel. “Between you and Garrett?”
Letting out a long, low breath, I fall back against my seat. “Long story short? My parents had a nasty divorce. Not because anyone cheated or anything. But I think my mom was really hurt by the fact that my dad didn’t follow us to Dallas. He didn’t choose her, you know? And he didn’t choose me either. They were supposed to split custody, but Dad never brought me back to the ranch, and he never really came to see me in Dallas.”
“That’ll break anyone’s heart.”
I swallow, hard. “Broke mine, yeah.”
“I’m sorry, Mollie.”
“Thanks.” I manage a tight smile. “Dad loved life on the ranch, but Mom really struggled with it. She said she felt like she was living on a deserted island. I think she missed her family and friends back in Dallas.”
Cash nods. “That’s fair. Ranch life isn’t for everyone. Takes a special kind of person to weather the ups and downs.”
“She begged him to move with us to Dallas. But I guess he loved the ranch too much to leave it behind, so he stayed. Mom says she’s not angry anymore, but sometimes, I thinkshe’ll always hate my Dad for not chasing her. For a while, I hated him for not chasing me.”
Cash takes a minute to absorb this. I appreciate the fact that he’s not filling the silence with empty platitudes about grief or relationships. If there’s one thing Cash doesn’t do, it’s small talk.