Page 85 of Cash
“What about them?” I push my ragged thumbnail underneath the damp label on my beer bottle.
“I don’t know. How did they make you,you?”
I laugh, even as I wipe my eyes on my sleeve. “You mean, how’d they raise me to be so damn excellent?”
“Ha.”
Thinking about it, I land on a specific memory. “My parents were always around. They worked nonstop—as you’re seein’, that’s just life on a ranch—but they made sure we tagged along. Even if it meant adding a shit ton of aggravation to their day. I remember this one day, I was throwing a tantrum over God knows what. I was five, maybe six? My mom was pregnant with the twins, and she’d had it with me. So Dad scooped me up and put me in the saddle with him for the day.” I smile. “I was about as sore as you are after that. But I loved every fucking minute of it.”
I can hear the smile in Mollie’s voice when she replies, “I loved it too. That feeling of working together, being a part of something.”
“Exactly.”Exactly. “That’s one of the things Mom and Dad were best at. Giving us a real sense of belonging. Of purpose. Our family was—is—tight. Had no other option, really. We either helped each other out or it all fell apart.”
Mollie sighs. “Having each other’s backs that way sounds nice.”
“You’re really close with your mom.”
“I mean, yeah.” A pause. “But it’s not like the bond you have with your brothers. Being an only child has its perks,but, well…I’ll say it this way: I want more than one kid if I’m lucky enough to have a family of my own.”
My heart leaps. I drain my beer. “You want kids?”
“I do. Being on the ranch is showing me that I really love having people around. My life in Dallas feels pretty damn small in comparison.” She scoffs. “Do you? Want kids?”
Loaded question. I consider not answering. Changing the topic.
But that feels bullshitty and wrong right now. And, yeah, maybe I want to get Mollie’s thoughts on my predicament.
Maybe I want her to play devil’s advocate. Why? I don’t know. But I like the way her mind works.
“I do. Not sure I’ll ever have ’em, though. In some ways, I’ve already got four sons. Plus a daughter.”
“Ah. I get that. You’ve been the man of the house for a while now.”
“Yep.”
Another pause.
“You do know your brothers are grown now, right? Sure, they say and do stupid things sometimes. But who in their twenties doesn’t? They seem to be perfectly capable of holding their own. Wyatt gets shit done. And look at Sawyer. He’s a great dad.”
“Asingledad. He’s a good example of why I haven’t started my own family. Don’t have the bandwidth. He needs help.”
“Lucky for him, there’s plenty of people willing to give it. Many hands make light work. Having that many hands also means you can take a break when you need it, because others will be there to pick up the slack.”
She has a point. I’ve left everyone to their own devices this afternoon, and there hasn’t been an issue. Far as I can tell, anyway. No explosions, no panicked requests for help on the walkie-talkie or phone.
Go figure, my brothers are doing just fine without me.
And I’m doing just fine without them.
“It’d be a shame, you know,” Mollie continues, “if you didn’t have a family. Sounds like you got a world-class education in making one. A happy one. A whole one.”
My heart twists at the sadness in her voice. Here I thought this girl had everything. Her parents were divorced, yeah. But they were both alive until recently. She’s got money, an education. Her own company.
She doesn’t have anyone to take care of other than herself.
Family is great, but it’s also a burden.
“I’m jealous of you,” I say. “Your freedom.”