Page 55 of Putting Down Roots

He’s fucking gaslighting me. It’s then I realise he had been doing that to me before. Previously though, I’d been too close to see it.

“Half a dozen galleries dropped me overnight.” I can feel my anxiety rising. I can hear it in my voice. I try to control my breathing, but the thoughts in my head are spiralling. I can’t think straight. I really need Jackson, and I need Claude to go away. He doesn’t.

“Well, you’re doing well enough for yourself now.”

The last few months of dark days and hard work are dismissed with a few words.

“I could write you an excellent review of this place.”

I can’t believe I used to seek the affection and good opinion of this man. This selfish old letch. I can feel a new sensation forming. Anger. That’s new. But I’m still having trouble forming thoughts, and I feel dizzy. I sink onto a bench with my head in my hands. I’m trying to tune out whatever Claude is saying now—I don’t want to hear it—I want him to leave me alone. I really need Jackson. I shouldn’t have let him leave. I’m getting emotional with too much going on, desperately trying not to cry. Then he’s here. I feel his presence before he speaks. My touchstone—my Jackson.

CHAPTER 48

Jackson

With the water carriers filled,I try to find Luca. I look for him in the last place I’d left him, but he isn’t there. I start to worry, hoping he’s alright. I see Anna, but she hasn’t seen him for a while either. I’m getting frantic, pushing past people to scour all of the garden. I round the wall into the rose garden and can see him on a bench, with an odious looking man standing talking to him. But I barely pay him any attention. It’s Luca I’m concerned about—I’ve seen that look before. He looks defeated. He looks close to a panic attack. I’ll deal with whatever, or whoever has caused it later. My first priority is Luca.

I crouch down on the ground in front of him.

“Luca?” I say tenderly, and he raises his head to meet my eyes. His eyes are dark, but alongside the defeat, I can see anger. That he can feel that, pleases me. I hope he can learn not to internalise everything. Anger is useful as long as it doesn’t get out of control. I know, I’ve controlled mine for a long time.

“I’m here. Everything’s going to be okay.”

The guy is still here, still speaking, but I’m not listening—my focus is on Luca.

“Breathe with me. In one, two . . . out one, two . . . in one, two . . . out one, two . . . Good. Now in one, two, three . . . out one, two, three . . .” His breathing slows, and he smiles weakly at me. It’s a start, but there’s going to be hell to pay for whoever ruined his special day.

“Can you stand up?” He nods, so I stand and offer my hands. As he rises, I draw him into a hug.

I become aware that the man is still here. Any decent person would have left, given us some privacy. Unless he’s the cause. I turn to him.

“Who are you?” I ask.

“I was just going to ask the same thing,” he replies, “Manhandling my boy.”

I feel Luca stiffen in my arms and I immediately understand. But before I can respond, I hear a voice that makes my blood run cold.

“Jacky!” Natasha, my ex-wife. For a split second, I wish I was hundreds of miles away. But no, Luca and Larchdown are worth it. But if Natasha’s here, then David will be as well. I look round and spot him further along the path, looking at the Larchdown rose.

“It’s Jackson.” The correction is an automatic response, because my brain has computed that I still have an arm round Luca. I pull him a little tighter. I need him myself now.

“Oh, not between us, Jacky, you know that. I was just telling David how lovely these gardens are. I think we could do something similar at the lodge.”

The lodge. The monstrosity she and David bought when she took everything I had.

She either hasn’t noticed Luca, or has decided not to comment. Knowing Natasha, I think it’s probably the former.

“But fancy seeing you here.”

Hardly, my brain thinks,I live here. But then, my name hasn’t been mentioned in the press articles about the opening of the gardens.

“I live here.” Natasha looks startled, and seems to notice Luca for the first time.

“But these are the Winterton gardens.”

“They are, and this is Luca Winterton.” I keep him locked firmly in place against me. “Luca, meet Natasha—my ex-wife.”

I see Natasha’s eyes narrow as she works it out, and then a sly look crosses her face—one I know well. She’s about to go on the attack.