Page 20 of I Am the Wild

She giggles. "You have no idea what you have!"

The door opens as we approach and Matilda comes out to greet us, arms held open for an embrace. Tears burn my eyes when she wraps her surprisingly strong arms around me. I have to lean over to hug her, but it's worth it. Her hug makes me feel like I'm being hugged by the universe. Unconditional love flows through me and I instantly love this old woman I already knew I liked.

She wipes a tear from my cheek and pats my hand. "Don't worry, dear. You're home now. With family. I'm so glad you decided to trust yourself and come, despite everything."

Her words are layered with double meaning and I get a strong sense she knows more about my life than I realized, even factoring in the extensive background check. "I hope you and I can be friends," I say, surprising myself.

"We already are, and have always been," she says kindly. "I heard what happened on the way here. That's certainly not an ideal first day on the job, is it?"

I half laugh through brimming tears and shake my head.

Lily is glancing worriedly from me to Matilda, bouncing on her tip-toes. The girl can never seem to stay still for long. I put her in her mid-20s, though she looks younger.

"Lily, dear, you handled the situation perfectly. We're all very proud of you and grateful."

Lily beams, and her eyes practically glow with the joy the compliment inspires.

“Would you mind showing Eve to her room? I've got to meet with the boys," Matilda says to Lily, then she looks to me. "I suspect you'll want a few minutes to get settled and orient yourself. The boys are in a meeting but will speak with you when it ends. They wanted to be here to greet you themselves, but on top of discussing what happened on the way here, we're meeting with a big client tomorrow and they have a lot of work to do. So will you, once you familiarize yourself with your job."

"About that," I say. "When will I learn more about what my job entails?"

"Tonight. I promise many of your questions will be answered tonight. I hope you like your suite. I designed it myself just for you."

I thank her and follow Lily into an entryway that's larger than some apartments in New York. Two grand staircases wind up to a second floor, meeting in the middle. There's a door to the right, a door to the left, and a hall beneath the stairs that leads to another part of the castle. Lily leads me upstairs and down several hallways. I try to memorize the path, but quickly lose track. I feel like I should be leaving bread crumbs to find my way back.

We stop at a door that looks the same as several others we've passed. "This is your suite. Just ring the bell if you need help. It's a big place and easy to get lost in when you're new."

"Do you live here, too?" I ask.

She nods. "You’re going to love it."

She walks away, leaving me with my bags, but turns back to face me before I enter the room. "We're all really glad you're here, Eve. You're just who they need."

She leaves for real this time and I wipe my palms on my pants and turn the knob, letting myself in.

I expect to walk into a bedroom, but I actually step into a sitting room with a loveseat and chair positioned in front of a fire with a coffee table between them. There's a patio with a cream-colored silk curtain dancing in the wind coming in from the open glass door. There's a desk with my some of my books stacked on it and the rest are lined up on the shelves next to it. My personal items have been dispersed through the room just as I would have placed them, including a sketch I drew of my brother framed on the fireplace mantel, right next to my brother's urn.

Seeing it brings more tears to my eyes. I place my bags down and walk over to it, running a finger down the side of the urn, my heart contracting with the grief that daily threatens to overwhelm me. It still doesn't seem real, and yet it's altogether too real at the same time. Grief is like that, I've learned. It lives on the impossible edge between real and unreal. Between waking and dreaming. And that makes it all the more crushing. Not understanding what happened to the brother I knew. How his body, the fullness of his life, could be reduced to a handful of ashes.

I turn away from his remains and focus on exploring the rest of the room. The hand-painted tile flooring is partially covered by thick rugs to take the chill off, and the blazing fire in the hearth warms the space. A large bookshelf covers one wall and is filled with books, some of them mine, some new. Well, old, actually, but new to me. Mine stand out as the only ones without leather covers.

In another corner is a two-person table with a bowl of fruit and a jug of juice or wine atop it. There's another jug with water, and a bar with stronger drinks to the side. I step through a door and into my bedroom, which boasts another lit fire with two comfortable leather chairs in front of it, and a huge four-poster canopy bed carved from a beautiful light wood and decorated with cherry blossoms. A thick purple velvet comforter covers it and I push my hand into the bed and sigh at how luxurious it feels. Way better than the bed I just sold. There's a large wardrobe that reveals all my clothes unpacked when I open it, plus other clothes, very fancy dresses and suits, that I've never seen before but are all in my size with matching shoes. The new clothes are gothic and Renaissance in style, which is unusual, but beautiful and clearly expensively, made with the finest craftsmanship and fabrics.

I've been well off in the past, comfortable enough to live in a nice neighborhood in New York, buy nice clothes, and go to restaurants when I wanted. Granted I had to sell anything of value to help pay Adam’s medical expenses and relocate to a much cheaper apartment, but I still remember that life. But as I look around I realize this is a whole other level of wealth that most people can only dream about.

The bathroom is spacious, with a huge tub in the center of the room. One wall in the bathroom is made of stone and hides the shower behind it. There's no door, just stone walls and floor with a window overlooking the grounds, though I'm high enough up that I don't think anyone can see me from here. It's not immediately clear how to operate the shower or tub, and I make a mental note to ask someone how to work all of this.

I return to my bedroom and realize there's one box under the bed that hasn't been unpacked. I pull it out and find a note on it, written in formal writing. "I thought you might want to unpack this one yourself, so I had the movers leave it." It's signed Sebastian. I open the box and discover that it contains my brother's belongings. I pull out his old college hoodie. A sob chokes my throat as I put it on, hugging it around me. His scent has surely faded after all this time, but I can still smell him. Maybe it's in my mind, but I cling to it, nonetheless.

"Oh, Adam. You were too young. This shouldn't have happened."

There's another balcony door in my bedroom, and I step out and realize the balconies are connected into one large one, with a small table and two chairs outside, and several beautiful plants adding an earthiness to the space. It's dark, but the sky is full of moonlight and the stars are bright. I take a deep breath of the crisp late fall air and close my eyes, listening to the sounds of the night creatures. I always loved the night, the darkness, the eye of the moon on me. It never occurred to me I would end up in a job that required me to live in the night, but I'm finding myself excited by the prospect. The moon holds the secrets the sun cannot see. But I want to see.

I want to know all the secrets the moon holds.

I want to see the wild woman again. I want to feel the power she held.

And, I realize, I also want to get to know my new home.